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All Quotes by author - Jack Whitehall

" For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was. "

" I acted at school but got very bad parts - things that they'd made up in Shakespeare plays like 'Guard 17' - so I wrote plays and gave myself parts, then I wrote sketches, then I did stand-up. Even in the school nativity I was the emu in the manger. "

" I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins. "

" I'd like to scale back the television. I'm constantly told that I'm over-exposed, and I don't want to end up like Carol Vorderman. "

" I don't like comedians who don't have conviction, and with stand-up, it is always best to have an angle. "

" I eat healthily, as it keeps my energy up. "

" If I could look like anyone, it would be Jamie Redknapp - even up close, he's amazing. "

" If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes you can't. "

" I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old. "

" I like to think I'm a bit smarter than I sometimes let on. "

" I love stand-up, but the process of writing is a little more lonely. I want to keep doing both, though. "

" I'm not actually posh; I'm really rough and from the wrong side of the tracks. I grew up in Putney, which is pretty rough. "

" I'm very conscious of other people's opinions and of people not liking me. "

" I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it. "

" I've definitely become smuttier. When I first started out, I had these aspirations: 'I'm not going to do jokes about anything crude because I'm bigger and better than that.' But then, I don't know... It makes me laugh, so I started doing it. "

" I vote for whoever will annoy my dad. "

" I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing. "

" I wish I was a bit shorter, as I think shorter people have better walks. Freddie Fox, the actor, is shorter than me and has an amazing gait; and Tom Cruise has a brilliant run. I'm just gangly. "

" Live stand-up is my thing. I love being on stage and just messing around. "

" My dad doesn't hug me enough! "

" My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending. "

" Once you start doing a lot, you don't ever want to stop working. It feels weird if you're not doing something. "

" Part of doing stand-up is to get things off your chest. It's a bit like being in a psychiatrist's chair - but more enjoyable. "

" Society is so divided in its perception of public school people. Most people who went to public school behave in the right way, but every now and then there will be someone who comes along and ruins it. "

" When I'm on stage, I'm quite over the top - I'm quite flamboyant and camp. "

" When I was younger, I was insecure for about 10 years: I wore glasses, had a cow's lick, buck teeth and braces. I looked ridiculous. "

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