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" A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "
H. L. Mencken
Examination
Judge
Student
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" I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk. "
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" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "
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" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "
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" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "
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" Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. "
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" It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man. "
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" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "
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" Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient. "
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" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "
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" A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there. "
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" Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. "
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" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
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" Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. "
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" Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. "
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" We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. "
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" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "
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" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "
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" Time stays, we go. "
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" The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. "
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" Life is a dead-end street. "
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" I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. "
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" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
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" The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. "
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" A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. "
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" Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers. "
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" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "
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" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? "
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" Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it. "
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" No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight. "
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