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" Anything that isn't opposed by about 40 percent of humanity is either an evil business or so unimportant that it simply doesn't matter. "
Russell Baker
Evil
Business
Either
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" Gerald Boyd was a classic specimen of the self-made man. Born poor, he worked and studied his way up out of poverty under the guidance of his widowed grandmother. "
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Way
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Grandmother
" Except for politics, no business is scrutinized more exhaustively than journalism. "
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Journalism
More
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" It was clear soon after his election that Obama, like FDR, wanted to start dealing with the economic crisis immediately after his inauguration. "
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Like
Start
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" An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong. "
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Education
Information
Best
" Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity. "
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Die
Live
You
" It was Queen Elizabeth who made me a foreign correspondent. "
Russell Baker
Who
Elizabeth
Foreign
" People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. "
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Say
Wrong
You
" You can always tell folks from nonfolks. Folks like to feel good, like to smile for the camera when there's a big photo opportunity for a really good cause. "
Russell Baker
Opportunity
Feel Good
Good
" You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart. "
Russell Baker
Heart
Verse
Light
" People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. "
Russell Baker
Know
People
Out
" When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. "
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People
Fools
Car
" Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. "
Russell Baker
Company
Longer
Misery
" The best discussion of trouble in boardroom and business office is found in newspapers' own financial pages and speeches by journalists in management jobs. "
Russell Baker
Business
Financial
Management
" Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. "
Russell Baker
You
Suffer
Summer
" Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it. "
Russell Baker
Grow
Parenting
You
" Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity. "
Russell Baker
Hazardous
Verses
Your
" Feel good about linking hands in human chain for good causes. "
Russell Baker
Feel Good
Feel
Good
" Journalism talk is part of the nonstop background noise of American life. "
Russell Baker
Life
American
Noise
" A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday. "
Russell Baker
Sunday
Church
Group
" The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist. "
Russell Baker
Worst
Worst Thing
You
" It's always seemed odd to me that after a group of terrorists commits a vile and odious deed they rush messages to the public to claim credit for it. "
Russell Baker
Odd
Credit
Always
" Letter writing was clearly important to Reagan. Even as president he kept dashing off letters to friends, pen pals, media people, statesmen, critics, and the kind of people who write to presidents never expecting a reply. "
Russell Baker
Writing
Media
Pen
" The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. "
Russell Baker
Resist
Objects
Defeat
" I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens in a hostile world. "
Russell Baker
World
Myself
Like
" Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it. "
Russell Baker
Vital
Poetry
Until
" In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses. "
Russell Baker
Opiate
America
Sport
" Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things. "
Russell Baker
Just
Progress
Things
" Newspaper people, once celebrated as founts of ribald humor and uncouth fun, have of late lost all their gaiety, and small wonder. "
Russell Baker
Humor
People
Small
" It is fitting that yesteryear's swashbuckling newspaper reporter has turned into today's solemn young sobersides nursing a glass of watered white wine after a day of toiling over computer databases in a smoke-free, noise-free newsroom. "
Russell Baker
White
Wine
Today
" Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. "
Russell Baker
Shot
Say
Need