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" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "
Fran Lebowitz
Easy
Most
Fun
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" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "
Fran Lebowitz
Lottery
Your
You
" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "
Fran Lebowitz
Because
Wanted
Never
" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "
Fran Lebowitz
Him
Serious
Future
" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "
Fran Lebowitz
Texas
Calling
Iraq
" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "
Fran Lebowitz
Step
Business
Dance
" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "
Fran Lebowitz
Sleep
Something
You
" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "
Fran Lebowitz
Back
Rather
Go
" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "
Fran Lebowitz
Dog
Your
You
" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "
Fran Lebowitz
Speech
Freedom
Freedom Of Speech
" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fact
Children
Most
" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
Fran Lebowitz
Art
Feeling
People
" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "
Fran Lebowitz
Purpose
Vegetables
Good
" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "
Fran Lebowitz
Good
Substitute
Personality
" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Always
Been
Me
" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
Look
Crowd
" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
Fran Lebowitz
Doors
Nature
Comfortable
" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "
Fran Lebowitz
Life Story
Life
Book
" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fall
Romantic
Love Is
" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
Algebra
Life
Real
" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
People
Born
" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "
Fran Lebowitz
More
Famous
Made
" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "
Fran Lebowitz
Ask
Your
Only
" My favorite animal is steak. "
Fran Lebowitz
Animal
Steak
Favorite
" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "
Fran Lebowitz
Obvious
Even
Children
" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
Your
You
Life
" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "
Fran Lebowitz
Off
Like
Carry
" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "
Fran Lebowitz
Democracy
Communism
Capitalism
" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "
Fran Lebowitz
World
New York
New
" Nothing succeeds like address. "
Fran Lebowitz
Nothing
Succeeds
Like
" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "
Fran Lebowitz
Opposite
Waiting
Talking