Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to get all the granules down to one end. I love all these rituals. "
Jerry Seinfeld
End
You
People
Related Quotes:
" You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. "
Jerry Seinfeld
World
You
Time
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
You
Having
" To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Me
Like
Laugh
" We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Coffee
Good
Great
" Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That's when you know the most, you've seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Energy
You
Understand
" There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Thing
Family
Fun
" You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Doing
You
Feel
" Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Smoke
Water
Chess
" I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Know
Love
People
" Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Me
Look
Humor
" It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Enjoy
Time
Love
" If you're a surfer, you just want to surf. You don't know if anyone's going to see you, and you don't really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Care
Know
Live
" To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Live
Me
Movement
" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Passion
Funny
Life
" Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Years
Well
Me
" The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Truth
Truth Is
Kind
" I've done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize they're going to be compared directly against other ads. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Done
Realize
People
" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Good
Fun
" You want to do good things, and once you've done a couple of good things in a row, you think 'Well gee, let's not mess this up.' But I am lucky at this point that I have something I really love to do, and it completely holds my attention. I never feel frustrated by it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Love
Think
Good
" We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Present
Present Moment
Contact
" Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Good
Yourself
You
" That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
True
Spirit
Me
" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Right
Race
Gender
" Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Now
Problem
Think
" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "
Jerry Seinfeld
Take
Want
Anything
" The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Knowing
You
Talk
" There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' "
Jerry Seinfeld
Know
Think
Men
" I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Audience
Because
Old
" There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Like
Job
Win
" I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
People
Tell
Ridiculous