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" I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. "
Michael J. Fox
Marry
Funny
Up
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" All men are equal before fish. "
Herbert Hoover
Funny
Men
Fish
" All generalizations are false, including this one. "
Mark Twain
Funny
Including
Generalizations
" Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. "
Robert Osborne
You
Fast
Funny
" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later. "
Sabrina Carpenter
Funny
I Can
Nice
" What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern. "
Susan Orlean
High
Word
Life
" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "
Jack Benny
Funny
Either
Deserve
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
You
Having
" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "
Ross Mathews
Day
Song
Love
" Let's make some funny pictures. "
Tex Avery
Funny
Make
Some
" I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. "
Dylan Moran
Recognition
Me
Low
" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "
Henny Youngman
Tomorrow
Sorry
Morning
" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "
Jack Black
Think
Movies
News
" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "
Moon Unit Zappa
Funny
Sad
Think
" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "
Ivan Reitman
Humor
Good
Long
" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "
Elisabeth Moss
Seasons
Time
Funny
" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "
Spike Milligan
Sure
Sit
Funny
" You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. "
Al Franken
Funny
First
You
" It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. "
Bill Hicks
Funny
Always
Humor
" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "
Randall Munroe
Time
Funny
Good
" But it's funny that now I'm in such a happy situation, I look more objectively at my own past and see what others have seen for a long time and I'm just so glad I've been able to get to this point. "
Rick Allen
Time
Past
Look
" If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? "
Laurence J. Peter
Desk
Funny
Mind
" We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder. "
Andre Maurois
Humanity
Love
Worst
" Life is the power that's greater than I can ever comprehend. The way life runs through everything, even the tiniest elements of nature - that makes me humble. "
Michael J. Fox
Nature
Me
Life
" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "
John Mulaney
Awesome
Point
Want
" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "
Kate McKinnon
Way
Saying
Out
" Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it. "
Michael J. Fox
Mean
Understanding
Way
" The laughs mean more to me than the adoration. If two girls walk up to me and one says 'you're cute', I'll say thank you, but I appreciate it much more when the other one says 'you make me laugh so much'. "
Michael J. Fox
You
Walk
Me
" I always felt that I came up short in the education department, but I've come to the conclusion that we all get an education. "
Michael J. Fox
Up
Short
Always
" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "
Drew Brees
Me
Best
Look
" I discovered that I was part of a Parkinson's community with similar experiences and similar questions that I'd been dealing with alone. "
Michael J. Fox
Experiences
Alone
Community