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" The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. "
Jay Leno
Two
Senators
Driver
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" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "
George Takei
Lot
Likes
Pictures
" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "
Johnny Carson
Radio
Television
Still
" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "
Don Rickles
Were
People
Mean
" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "
Sylvie Meis
Moment
You
Yourself
" Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do. "
Kevin Hart
Myself
Laugh
Funny
" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "
Ron White
Know
Laugh
Hands
" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "
Mel Brooks
Tragedy
You
Die
" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "
Keke Palmer
Day
Style
School
" Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that. "
Ice Cube
Dark
Fantasy
Funny
" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "
Anthony Holden
Nice
You
She
" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "
Joan Rivers
Me
Funny
Forty
" You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh... it's as simple as that. "
Jay Leno
Somebody
Who
Laugh
" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "
Tommy Cooper
Funny
Shopping
Windows
" I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. "
Edith Sitwell
Government
Funny
Wish
" The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know? "
Mick Ralphs
Walking
Me
Myself
" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "
Sid Fleischman
Book
Time
Funny
" I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. "
Joe E. Lewis
Go
Drink
Funny
" It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I've had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it's just because they don't behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power. "
Ryan Reynolds
Stars
Opportunity
Great
" 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. "
Steve Martin
Funny
Think
Good
" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "
Judy Garland
Life
Humor
Good
" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "
Eric Idle
Survival
Funny
People
" You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. "
Milton Berle
Congress
Him
Man
" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "
Joe Rogan
Funny
Brilliant
Guy
" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "
William Lyon Phelps
Succeed
First
Find
" My mother was a very, very funny, outrageous, outspoken person, and she never edited me. Her whole thing in my life was if anybody had a problem with me, tell them to go to hell. "
Tig Notaro
Hell
Funny
Life
" Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks. "
Caroline Rhea
" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "
Gene Wilder
Doctor
Time
She
" When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side. "
Robin Williams
Dark
Time
Always
" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "
Will Ferrell
You
People
Hope
" I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent. "
Elayne Boosler
Place
Truth
Thought