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All Quotes by author - Jessica Valenti
" A huge part of keeping women in their place has to do with creating a really limited definition of what a 'real' woman is like. And a ton of that what-makes-a-woman nonsense is attached to motherhood. Apparently, by virtue of having ovaries and a uterus, women are automatic mommies or mommies-to-be. "
Virtue
Motherhood
Women
" As a kid, I wasn't sure that I would ever get married - I was not the kind of little girl who played at being a bride. "
Kid
Kind
Little
" As I grew up and began identifying myself as a feminist, there were plenty of issues that continued to make me question marriage: the father 'giving' the bride away, women taking their husband's last name, the white dress, the vows promising to 'obey' the groom. And that only covers the wedding. "
Myself
Father
Women
" Child-rearing can be a tedious and thankless undertaking. "
Tedious
Thankless
Child-Rearing
" Dismissing socialization and gender roles as piddling compared to this amorphous idea of 'maternal imperative' is part of the reason progress is stalled for family-friendly policies. "
Reason
Gender
Idea
" Even the notion that women should have children at all is based on the idea that a woman's inherent and most important role is that of mother. Shockingly, men's 'innate' roles are a lot more fun than the ones bestowed on women. "
Women
Children
Mother
" Feminism isn't simply about being a woman in a position of power. It's battling systemic inequities; it's a social justice movement that believes sexism, racism and classism exist and interconnect, and that they should be consistently challenged. "
Feminism
Justice
Woman
" How insulting is it to suggest the best thing women can do is raise other people to do incredible things? "
Women
Things
Best
" In 2008, I was one of the young feminist whippersnappers who voted for Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primaries - or as many of my older counterparts called me at the time, a traitor. "
Older
Young
Traitor
" I revisit old favorites like 'Buffy' and 'Battlestar Galactica' when I'm bored. I am obsessed with 'Scandal.' I love TV. "
I Am
Bored
Like
" It's become impossible to enjoy most quality television shows because the hurt or endangered women device is so frequently used. "
Women
Enjoy
Hurt
" It's not always easy being a full-time feminist - especially as a young woman - when you're constantly being told that what you do is irrelevant. I'm on the defense all the time. "
Young
Time
Woman
" My parents have a wonderful marriage, but they have been together since my mother was 12, married when they were just teenagers and are barely ever separated. They even work together. As a result, I have always thought of marriage as involving the loss of a certain amount of autonomy. "
Thought
Parents
Marriage
" Once you get married, women are still implicitly expected to do the majority of the housework and take care of any future children. "
You
Care
Women
" The only purpose of an engagement ring is to show you 'belong' to someone, and your man makes bank. "
Man
You
Someone
" There is something to be said for the power of figureheads. After Hillary Clinton became secretary of state, a record number of countries posted female ambassadors to the U.S. - some of whom have dubbed this 'the Hillary effect.' "
Power
Number
Effect
" There's no one right way to parent, and there's no magic combination of genders that produces the most well-adjusted child. We all do the best we can at loving our kids and building our families. "
Best
Building
Child
" The stereotypes of feminists as ugly, or man-haters, or hairy, or whatever it is - that's really strategic. That's a really smart way to keep young women away from feminism, is to kind of put out this idea that all feminists hate men, or all feminists are ugly; and that they really come from a place of fear. "
Ugly
Men
Hate
" The truth about parenting is that the reality of our lives needs to be enough. "
Reality
Needs
Parenting
" The truth is that we don't need everyone to like us; we need a few people to love us. Because what's better than being roundly liked is being fully known - an impossibility both professionally and personally if you're so busy being likable that you forget to be yourself. "
Love
People
Truth
" The widely held belief that the heterosexual nuclear family is best for children has long been used as a smoke screen for homophobia and as a talking point to quash marriage-equality efforts. "
Children
Best
Family
" Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control. "
Character
Control
Life
" Wedding fever is one of the scariest diseases I have ever seen. "
Ever
Fever
Seen
" When I started blogging in 2004, I responded to every comment no matter how nasty the reader was. I was generally polite, believing that these critics would be so charmed by my professionalism that they would see the error of their misogynist ways and swiftly run out to read a bell hooks book. Ha! "
See
Book
Professionalism
" Whether it's repro rights, violence against women, or just plain old vanilla sexism, most issues affecting women have one thing in common - they exist to keep women 'in their place.' To make sure that we're acting 'appropriately,' whatever that means. "
Violence
Rights
Acting
" You come to a point where you give up on holding yourself to a perfect feminist ideal - it just feels stifling. "
Up
Perfect
Point
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