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" A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. "

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" Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks. "

" I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. "

" Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. "

" I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? "

" A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks. "

" The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. "

" You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help. "

" Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite. "

" One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind. "

" Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent. "

" I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it. "

" The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. "

" If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. "

" Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house. "

" Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them. "

" When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs. "

" Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. "

" Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living. "

" Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? "