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" At the age of 55, you will get a saggy roll just above your waist, even if you are painfully thin. "

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" Death is a sniper. It strikes people you love, people you like, people you know - it's everywhere. You could be next. But then you turn out not to be. But then again, you could be. "

" Directing movies is the best job there is, that's all. I can hardly say a word after that. It's just a great job. "

" E-mail is a whole new way of being friends with people: intimate but not, chatty but not, communicative but not; in short, friends but not. What a breakthrough. How did we ever live without it? I have more to say on this subject, but I have to answer an instant message from someone I almost know. "

" The best divorce is the kind where there are no children. That was my first divorce. You walk out the door and you never look back. "

" I just want to go on making movies, and some of them will be completely meaningless, except, of course, to me. "

" Whenever I get married, I start buying Gourmet magazine. "

" When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh. So you become the hero rather than the victim of the joke. "

" Everybody dies. There's no avoiding it, and I do not believe for one second that butter is the cause of anyone's death. Overeating may be, but not butter, please. I just feel bad for people who make that mistake. "

" I was alive during the women's lib movement, and I do not remember anyone taking a position against cooking. I think they were talking about other things. "

" My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next. "

" I don't have writer's block, really. I do have times when I can't get the lead, and that is the only part of the story which I have serious trouble with. I don't write a word of the article until I have the lead. It just sets the whole tone - the whole point of view. "

" If only I had grown up worshipping Julia Child. I was already grown up - thank you very much - when Julia Child's book was published. When I moved to New York in 1962, you had to own it. "

" Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be. "

" I think that readers believe that a writer becomes friends with the people he interviews and writes about - and I think there are some writers who do that - but that hasn't happened to me. I do think it's dangerous because then you write the article to please them, which is a terrible error. "

" One good thing I'd like to say about divorce is that it sometimes makes it possible for you to be a much better wife to your next husband because you have a place for your anger - it's not directed at the person you're currently with. "

" As far as the men who are running for president are concerned, they aren't even people I would date. "

" I have always thought it was a terrible shame that the women's movement didn't realise how much easier it was to reach people by making them laugh than by shaking a fist and saying, 'Don't you see how oppressed you are?' "

" I have been forgetting things for years - at least since I was in my 30s. I know this because I wrote something about it at the time; I have proof. Of course I can't remember exactly where I wrote about it or when, but I could probably hunt it up if I had to. "

" In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind. "

" 'Sleepless' was a script that had been written by three or four other writers before me, and it never really worked, but it had this amazing ending on the top of the Empire State Building that just worked, no matter what came before it. "

" I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive. "

" In California, of course, they never break up couples at dinner for fear of what might happen if someone's husband were seated next to someone else's very young girlfriend. But dinners with couples seated next to one another are always deadly dull, which is why there are almost no good dinner parties in the entire state of California. "

" I feel really bad for people who aren't insane over food. "

" The truth is that most marriages have food as a major player in them, and certainly mine does. "

" I try to write parts for women that are as complicated and interesting as women actually are. "

" The desire to get married, which - I regret to say, I believe is basic and primal in women - is followed almost immediately by an equally basic and primal urge - which is to be single again. "

" When you're young, you think that clothes are almost magical, and that if you wear the right thing - to school, to the prom, on the date, etc. - something's going to happen. Black, it's the anti-magical thing. It comes from the recognition that it is not going to be 'the' dress. "

" I survived turning 60, I was not thrilled to turn 61, I was less thrilled to turn 62, I didn't much like being 63, I loathed being 64, and I will hate being 65. I don't let on about such things in person; in person, I am cheerful and Pollyanna-ish. But the honest truth is that it's sad to be over 60. "

" We're saved somewhat by Google. You can - when you're all sitting around the table desperately snapping your fingers in the hopes of remembering the name of that movie that you can't remember the name of - you can make people think that you are not as old as you actually are because you have the technology to find the answer. "

" Food was supposed to be a slightly bigger part of 'Heartburn,' and it actually didn't turn out to be because of me. I just didn't find a way to make it a bigger part of the movie as I should have, and we cut several scenes in which food was a major character. "