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" Certainly a curtain has never fallen too soon for me. Every play is too long, even the short ones. Every concert, every film, every television programme the same. "
Howard Jacobson
Long
Me
Film
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" Things go bad after a divorce and often stay that way. It is rare for the parties to return placidly to a time before they met. A bitterness lingers on. Those who call this our Independence Day, fantasising of returning to a never-never time before they married, when they were free, easy, single, and master of their fate, are delusional. "
Howard Jacobson
Time
Fate
Day
" I've never owned a T-shirt. I don't like vests or sweaters or cardies with zips. I like a proper shirt with a collar. There's nothing else that I think I look nice in. I don't think there's anything else that other men look nice in, to be honest. Things with words on! Can you imagine? On grown-ups! Words are to make books with. "
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Nice
Words
Look
" Most people to whom a statue has been erected are undeserving. "
Howard Jacobson
Most
Been
Whom
" The environment in which I studied was so safe, I thought I would die from the boredom of it. "
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Boredom
Thought
Environment
" Does anyone who leaves a Baltic country ever want to return to it? Someone must, I suppose. "
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Want
Leaves
Return
" Not every anti-Semite is Joseph Goebbels. You can not like Jews much and be no great harm to them. "
Howard Jacobson
You
Harm
Great
" There's a simple arithmetical logic at work. Build more unaffordable and not always architecturally sympathetic apartments, watch the rents rise, the tarts leave, the small shops, production offices and design studios close down, and hey presto, we have another fashionable London suburb indistinguishable from the rest. "
Howard Jacobson
Rise
Rest
Small
" When I see ultra-Orthodox Jews stamping all over Jaffa, or when I see them deciding who is a Jew, I think: 'What's happened to the grand dream of Zionism?' I don't like to see ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel. What's wrong with Manchester? "
Howard Jacobson
See
Over
Wrong
" I think one of the main reasons I write is to do better than ranting. The ranting is the opinion, and the writing is not the opinion. I always say that people's opinions are the worst things about them. The words demand a dignity. "
Howard Jacobson
Think
Words
Writing
" If the academic community gets its way, we will soon all be speaking with a single voice. "
Howard Jacobson
Will
Voice
Single
" I have made of Sydney, to which I sailed in 1965, a paradise beyond the powers of fancy. "
Howard Jacobson
Sydney
Beyond
Fancy
" I am in denial about sport. I refuse to accept that I watch it. I am not the kind of man who watches sport. "
Howard Jacobson
Watch
Watches
Kind
" When I was teaching at Cambridge, I sold handbags on the market. "
Howard Jacobson
Teaching
Market
Cambridge
" That a nation's statuary will reflect beliefs and attitudes that are no longer current or congenial hardly needs arguing. In most instances, it doesn't at all imply a continuing reverence. "
Howard Jacobson
Reflect
Will
Arguing
" If you had to say in one sentence what being Jewish means, it is being able to make fun of yourself Jewishly. "
Howard Jacobson
Yourself
You
Say
" No good writer ever merely cheered us up. But there's an unblinking stare into the darkness of things we have to go elsewhere to find. Jane Austen was made of strong stuff. She was too satiric for D. H. Lawrence's taste and too unforgiving for Kingsley Amis's, but you would still not call her hellish. "
Howard Jacobson
Darkness
She
Good
" I was young; I was newly married. My Cambridge degree was still warm in my pocket - a roll of parchment guaranteeing me, I thought, a sort of free ambassadorial passage to any campus of my choosing, and I had chosen Sydney - the world was all before me. "
Howard Jacobson
World
Thought
Free
" Every time I criticize the anti-Zionists, they say, 'You are trying to silence us.' I don't deny there are some people who are critical of Israel who are not anti-Semitic. But to criticize Israel, and then criticize Zionism, is not quite the same thing. "
Howard Jacobson
Time
Silence
People
" Leaned on by Turkey and understandably wary of false equivalences - for not every death is a massacre, and not every war is genocidal - Israel connives in Armenian genocide denial. "
Howard Jacobson
Denial
Israel
False
" It is a nonsense to me when people come along and tell me not to be pessimistic; or that culture has always been going to the bad. Well, yes, it has, and it is an author's job to point it out. "
Howard Jacobson
People
Bad
Always
" It would be nice if we could all agree to this proposition: popularity is not the same as achievement. "
Howard Jacobson
Achievement
Agree
Nice
" It was reading Hamlet that ruined the concept of authenticity for me, not because Hamlet lacked existentialist credentials himself - indeed, as an earlier discontented Dane, he could be said to have laid the ground for Kierkegaard - but because the line 'to thine own self be true' was spoken by that humourless old ninny, Polonius. "
Howard Jacobson
Reading
True
Be True
" The obligation to remember is inscribed on every Holocaust memorial, but even the words 'Never Forget' become irksome eventually. "
Howard Jacobson
Never Forget
Forget
Remember
" One of the great things about us Jews is that we tell the best jokes. Part of the reason is we tell jokes against ourselves - before anyone else gets to do it. "
Howard Jacobson
Great Things
Jokes
Great
" 'Great Expectations', in short, is a more damning account of the mess Dickens himself had made of love than any denunciation on behalf of the outraged wives club could ever be. "
Howard Jacobson
Short
Club
Great
" Shake any institution of higher learning, and a dozen boycotters will fall out of it. "
Howard Jacobson
Will
Higher
Fall
" Not everyone is fortunate enough to earn their living playing. But what draws people to art and artists is a desire to enjoy the propinquity of play. For it is the very freedom of the imagination. And what else were we born to do, but imagine freely? "
Howard Jacobson
Freedom
People
Imagination
" Sometimes it's best to speak from ignorance: that way, you can see the wood without being distracted by the trees. "
Howard Jacobson
Trees
Wood
You
" There's no law that says you have to be consistent in your preferences. "
Howard Jacobson
Says
You
No Law
" Show me a novel that's not comic, and I'll show you a novel that's not doing its job. "
Howard Jacobson
Show
Doing
Job