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" Delhi women - they're the most beautiful women! But the fact remains that they know they are gorgeous. "

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" I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or people who cannot fight back. That is my limitation. "

" I don't think one gets to choose the kind of comedy he/she does. I may not talk about Rahul Gandhi's take on an ordinance, but I will talk about things as simple as a 'chappal' or a 'sherwani.' My comedy is about small things, and that is how it connects. "

" Time management is the mantra of my life. "

" What I tell a girl is, your six-pack hot boyfriend right now, in six years, will be balding and maybe have a paunch. But I make you laugh every five minutes today, and I'll make you laugh 20 years from now; that's not going to go away. "

" I wouldn't call myself successful, just obsessively exhausted. The music makes me smile, the movies make me feel humbled, and the comedy saves my life every day. "

" Comedy is a live art, and the only way to record a comedy rock album is to do it live. The audience and their laughter is just as much a part of the album sound as our music. No retakes, no room for error. "

" Anybody with a sharp brain and a mic can become a comedian, but there's a need to move beyond it. The audience wants to witness the marriage of theatre, comedy and something more. "

" I was only 24 years old when a lady called Sabina Sehgal Saikia - the then 'Delhi Times' editor - asked me to host the 'Times Food Guide Awards,' so it was with The 'Times of India' that my career began in this field. "

" I've a belt that I have worn for every single stand-up comedy session since I was 19. I fear if I ever lose it, my career would crumble. That's my one OCD. "

" I fear debt. I don't like being indebted to banks. I have a rule in life that I will get it when I can afford it. "

" 'Badmaash Company' and 'Delhi Belly' was about friends, and I was part of the gang. And yes, they did have stars playing the lead! You do need a star to sell a film; and playing the second lead doesn't bother me. "

" If you are known to do something well, people want to see you do that. But what you choose to do is up to you. After 'Delhi Belly,' I got some 40 scripts - some on the same lines as 'Delhi Belly.' So, I guess people only get stereotyped if they want to. "

" I'm kind of a rebound junkie. So. when a relationship goes sour, I look at the sweetness in life elsewhere. So, I date a bit. The best catharsis is to write jokes and tell 4,000 people about it. "

" I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows. "

" All of the films I'm doing are young, urban, high-concept, funny films. That's the zone where I'd like to play and have fun in. "

" A stand-up comedian will never be the life of a party. Instead, he will be the guy who is standing at a corner and observing people. "

" Women do come up to me after a show, but it's usually to say, 'Yhank you for making us laugh,' and all that. "

" I got 'Delhi Belly' and 'Badmaash Company' because people from the production house had seen my stand-up comic acts in a DVD that was lying in their offices. It's been a weird journey, and I think weird goes with me. "

" Surround yourself with a bunch of like-minded people, and you'll soak up their habits like a starved sponge. Fat people with fat friends care less about their weight. "

" I love the food, the girls, the sky and everything that is Delhi. I have very fond memories of the Moolchand flyover. "

" I'm a stand-up comedian-turned-actor-turned-vampire at night. "

" While Mumbai is a melting pot of cultures, Delhi is made of community, and we can see these lines quite clearly. An aunty from Punjabi Bagh will be different from a Faridabad aunty or an aunty from Vasant Kunj. "

" Alien Chutney is just what the name suggests it is. Its music that is so funny and quirky and weird that it feels entirely alien to the listener; yet, the content and the subject matter is so Indian and relatable, it's still chutney. "

" My personal favorite is Woody Allen, who is just amazing as a comedian. "