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" 'Desperate Housewives' - there's no man on the planet that takes that personally, but if it were 'Desperate Househusbands,' they would shut ABC down. "

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" Early on, I joined that large group of show business cadets who were 'multi-hyphenates,' 'independents,' 'self produced' or 'alternately financed.' Sometimes, most times, I've had to do it all: raise the money, write the script, produce, direct and act in the film. "

" It's not a great feeling for a film to suffer financially, but you can't sit and mope about it. You just have to just move on to next project - I try to always be working on a new project when my last one hits the theaters. "

" Oklahoma City, Katrina... those happened to other unfortunate people. But 9/11, that happened to us all. And that was pretty much the genesis of 'Reign Over Me.' "

" Books are a little better movies than just screenplays because there's more fat on the bone. There's more character development. There's more stuff to pick from. "

" I enjoy being an actor in my own movies. "

" Nobody loses money on my movies. I make them cheap. "

" My whole career this is the biggest failure financially, but at the same time, it's one of my favorite things I've ever done. "

" You've got to feel a little nervous when you first meet Spielberg. The guy's an apparition. "

" I just kind of went from being a standup, one-man band, to then kind of breezing back and working with other people. And now I'm just trying to be a legitimate guy who pays the rent, you know. "

" That's the thing about Michael Moore, when you read his stuff, he's so sure he's right about everything; even when he's wrong, he's entertaining. "

" I've done a lot of dramedies in my career. You know, I started as a standup comic, and then the movies that I was doing, like 'Up Side of Anger' were kind of like - they're hard. They're hard to sell; they're hard to get made, you know. "

" My movies don't make any money, and they don't really light the world on fire. But I'm really lucky because I've gotten them made. "

" The holidays are a rough time for the homeless, but it's a year-round problem we have to solve. "

" I think everything benefits from a little comedy. The worst thing to me is to see a great drama or a great thriller with no laughs. "

" I have a spot on the horizon that I'm trying to hit: To write and direct adult dramedies. First of all, there's really not a big market for them. Second of all, it's like cracking a diamond. You've got to do it right. "

" From very early on, I had always wanted to be a stand-up comedian. It was my passion; it was my goal. It was a world I was simply infatuated with. So, as soon as I could, I moved out to L.A. chasing after my dream. "

" I never once had a regular paycheck. Not for more than six weeks in a row and for the most part not even that. I still haven't. The notion of some whistling kid with a mail cart coming down the hall and handing me my weekly paycheck is something I've only seen in Matthew Broderick movies. "

" As a writer, it's very difficult to just hand your script over to someone else, especially if you have to watch them hurt it, and that's when I decided I would direct my own work. "

" I don't work with a lot of pressure, you know? I don't think, 'Oh, this one has gotta work or I'm finished.' I just kind of get onto the next one. "

" In another time, another world, each studio made 200 movies a year and had 20 executives. Today, a studio makes less than 20 movies a year and has 500 executives. They own too many parking decks and too many billboard companies. They're awash in overhead, and it's pinning them down, and they know it. "

" I am an entrepreneur in the entertainment industry. Somewhere early on when I couldn't get something I wanted through the system, I threw up my hands and tried to figure a way to get it done myself. A lot of it came from my upbringing. My dad was an entrepreneur. "