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" Did you know - and studies prove this - that 98 percent of all the Visine in this country runs down the side of people's faces? "

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" I was once fired as opening act for Seals and Crofts because I got loaded and introduced them as Arts and Crafts. "

" I was what they call a pool hustler. That's absolutely true. For long periods of time I got by, barely skimmed by, just playing pool. "

" It is a pretty odd profession - tickling people - but it can be lucrative. "

" People looking at advertisements or reading their local newspapers would have had no idea that what they were reading was bought and paid for with their tax dollars. "

" The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. "

" No, I was never one of those positive people who believes he can have whatever he sets his sights on. I just kept working at it. "

" President-elect Bush spoke in a forceful and candid manner that it is his passion that all children should have access to a first class education. "

" Pool is a fascinating game, but there is always the added factor of the money that really makes it hot. "

" I used to jog three miles a day, and then I saw I was getting a little bit older, so I started fast-walking three miles a day. Now I just drive. "