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" First, one scrambles for wealth. Then, one luxuriates in mocking the effeteness that comes with it. "

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" It's a classic error in American discourse: the conflation of race with culture. "

" Can you think of a single situation, no matter how grave, where the atmosphere would not be instantly shattered with a loud fart - or a drawing of a butt? There is no faster way to create universal common ground. "

" As the saying goes, even a broken clock is right twice a day; that doesn't mean you should run out and buy one. "

" It was not a secret, then or now, that there is something vaguely un-American about forcing your child to be really good at classical music performance. "

" You can call double-eyelid surgery wrong or see it as evidence of body dysmorphia, but don't overplay the race issue. It's insulting to those of us who are merely vain. "

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" As I found again and again as a writer, when you're completely honest about something, people respond to that. "

" I'll come out and say it because no one else will: French gross-out humor is the best. Particularly the illustrated variety. "

" Bad things happen when you try to let things just happen. You can't be passive. "