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" His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. "

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" He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic. "

" Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in. "

" If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing. "

" He resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. "

" One of the great benefits of organised religion is that you can be forgiven your sins, which must be a wonderful thing. I mean, I carry my sins around with me, there's nobody there to forgive them. "

" Laziness has become the chief characteristic of journalism, displacing incompetence. "

" Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go. "

" No wonder people are so horrible when they start life as children. "

" It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children. "

" There was no end to the ways in which nice things are nicer than nasty ones. "

" It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children. "

" Self criticism must be my guide to action, and the first rule for its employment is that in itself it is not a virtue, only a procedure. "