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" I do have a fantasy life in which I can grout bathrooms - but not for a living. "
Will Self
Fantasy
Life
Living
Related Quotes:
" As the render is to the building, and the blueprint to the machine, so sport is to social existence. "
Will Self
Building
Social
Machine
" If the government announced that it was going to allocate a vast tranche of education funding purely to the pupils at the best public schools, there would be a national outcry - and yet this is precisely what the Olympics represents in terms of sports funding. "
Will Self
Education
Best
Sports
" Some people have human muses - mine is a city. I feel a startling ambivalence towards London, but for better or worse my work has come utterly to depend upon it. "
Will Self
Depend
City
Better
" It would seem that I, who never could make much sense of physics when I was at school, have now gained a strong sense of Einsteinian space-time. I am free of the nimbyism of now, and feel a strong kinship with both the dead and the unborn. "
Will Self
Free
Strong
I Am
" Continuous present is all we have, and stream of consciousness - which in a novel is arguably just as artificial as the stilted dialogue that you get in most conventional novels. They're all stratagems to try to get closer to the texture of lived life. "
Will Self
Stream
Life
Lived
" People tend to think of their lives as having a dramatic arc, because they read too much fiction. "
Will Self
Too Much
Think
People
" Of course, with well-masticated food playing the role of social glue, it's absolutely essential that everyone clear their plate. Sod the starving kiddies in Africa - it's the overfed ones here we need to worry about. "
Will Self
Everyone
Need
Worry
" I always wanted to write fiction. Always. As far back as I can remember it's been integral to my sense of myself - everything else was always a displacement activity. "
Will Self
Back
Always
Remember
" You may have gathered that I am not the most cheerful of revellers - some characterise me as the death and soullessness of any party but it wasn't always so, believe me. "
Will Self
Death
Believe
You
" I am a regular, if not exactly enthusiastic, patron of my local bookshop. I try to buy at least some books there because I cling to the belief that it's important to maintain those businesses which put a human face on the exchange of money for goods and services. "
Will Self
Money
Belief
I Am
" In truth, even if they have an imperfect insight into their own methods, I still slightly mistrust writers of fiction who are assured literary critics; it makes me suspect that they favour the word over the world it should describe. Such scribes fall victim too easily to the solecism of equating style with morality. "
Will Self
World
Truth
Style
" Life, it is true, can be grasped in all its confused futility merely by opening one's eyes and sitting passively, a spectator on the stands of history - but to understand the social processes and conflicts, the interplay between individual and group, even the physicality of human experience, we have need of small-scale models. "
Will Self
Eyes
Experience
Group
" I've said it before - and I'll say it again: it always seems to me that we come to know our same-sex parents through the bodily and the involuntary; through a kind of fossicking of our own physical strata. As we come to resemble our fathers, so we re-encounter the individual who reared us. "
Will Self
Know
Kind
Say
" Live life and write about life. Of the making of many books there is indeed no end, but there are more than enough books about books. "
Will Self
More
Live Life
End
" Without a shadow of doubt, Trafalgar Square has to be one of the most crap urban public spaces in the world. "
Will Self
Doubt
Square
Without
" You don't need to know this - but here goes: due to some acquired infantilism, I feel compelled to fall asleep listening to the radio. On a good night, I'll push the frail barque of my psyche off into the waters of Lethe accompanied by the midnight newsreader - on a bad one, it's the shipping forecast. "
Will Self
Night
Good
Good Night
" I'm very happy for whatever plaudits might come the way of my work, but I never ever sit down to write x with y in view - whether it's a reader, a prize or a sale. "
Will Self
Way
View
Work
" One of the most heartening phenomena in today's Britain is the great diversity of the modern nerd - the nerd is out and proud, and while she may love 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' merchandise more than is strictly warranted, she is in every way to be cherished as an exemplar of cosmopolitanism and tolerance. "
Will Self
Great
Diversity
Love
" To attempt to write seriously is always, I feel, to fail - the disjunction between my beautifully sonorous, accurate and painfully affecting mental content, and the leaden, halting sentences on the page always seems a dreadful falling short. "
Will Self
Falling
Feel
Page
" I'd rather fiddle with my phone for precious seconds than neglect an apostrophe; I'd rather insert a word laboriously keyed out than resort to predictive texting for a - acceptable to some - synonym. "
Will Self
Phone
Word
Precious
" The fictional work is a kind of actor that wears a satirical garb but can put on other costumes as well. "
Will Self
Work
Costumes
Kind
" As for critical writing about modernism, its moments of lucidity are but fulgurations illuminating the dark and incomprehensible landscape of its subject's unabashed difficulty. "
Will Self
Writing
Landscape
Dark
" So heedless have we become of our own image that second-hand mobile phones now invariably come with a SIM card chock-full of discarded intimacies. "
Will Self
Now
Mobile
Image
" It could be argued that every age gets the comfort savagery writer it deserves. "
Will Self
Age
Deserves
Savagery
" As a bookish adolescent, I sopped up texts as if I were blotting paper and they were fluid. "
Will Self
Fluid
Paper
Adolescent
" Sometimes it occurs to me that the job of a serious cultural critic mostly consists in telling the generality of people that their opinions - on films, on books, on all manner of widgets, gadgets and even the latest electronic fidgets - simply aren't up to scratch. "
Will Self
Job
Up
Serious
" I prefer to write first drafts as soon as possible after waking, so that the oneiric inscape is still present to me. "
Will Self
Possible
Me
First
" What more chilling indictment of the modern world is there than this: that the condition of the smartphone user is that of a dumb animal. Moooo! "
Will Self
More
Modern
Animal
" It might be an idea for all literary critics to read the books they analyse aloud - it certainly helps to fix them in the mind, while providing a readymade seminar with your audience. "
Will Self
Mind
Idea
Fix
" There's a flip side to having prominent public intellectuals, which is that they start meddling in politics and often with quite disastrous results. "
Will Self
Results
Side
Politics