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" I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big. "

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" I'm tired of ignoring that I march to a different beat. "

" The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. "

" I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. "

" There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past. "

" I have one speed, I have one gear: go! "

" What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes. "

" As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what? "

" For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view. "

" You have the right to kill me, but you don't have the right to judge me. That's life. There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and it's pure and it's available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it. "

" Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh. "

" I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there. "

" I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. "

" From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to 'Sheen's Korner' ... You're either in my corner, or you're with the trolls. "

" The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children. "

" I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. "

" Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them. "

" I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns. "

" I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground. "

" I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. "

" We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art. "

" I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know? "

" I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man. "

" I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last. "

" I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs. "