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" I don't want to do anything in bad taste. "

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" Hollywood have been in touch; they want to make a movie of my life. "

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" I got asked by a freelance journalist to jump in front of Princess Diana's funeral. How pathetic is that? That would have been the stupidest thing on the planet. "

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" One of my favorites is 'The Sound of Music'. When Julie Andrews runs through the hills singing her head off, I always wish that a gust of wind would blow her skirt up. "

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" The Full Monty, ah, it's superb. The Full Monty showed how life really is in certain cities of England. "

" I was in Liverpool city center and I thought I broke one of my toes, just by jumping on buses. I put my arm in the door on the outside, and the bus just drives away with me naked. "

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" Neil Armstrong, when he was out there landing on the moon, I was there first. "

" Violence is for mugs. War is for mugs. "