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" I like Columbus, Ohio, because it's Pleasantville for real. They have the nicest white people I have ever met, and I mean that! "

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" Koreans are hilarious. "

" I know I can get laughs anywhere, in front of any crowd, if I'm given the chance. "

" I'm in this business, man, and I honestly don't know anything about show business at all. I don't know how it works. "

" I love Dallas, Austin and Houston. Why? Because some of the best comedians, like Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison, started their careers in Texas, and because the crowds there are comedy-educated. "

" When 'MADtv' got cancelled, I didn't work at all - for three years. "

" I think I am against stereotype. Generally, Asian guys are more quiet - they study and have a good work ethic. Generally, I have none of those things. "

" I never wanted to be road comic. "

" When I found stand-up, it was like finding home. "

" Shopping in Thailand is super cheap and generally high quality. Bangkok is also safe. If you see anybody wearing camouflage holding a machete, don't be scared. They sell coconuts. "

" I guess I am in handsome - in certain parts of the world. If I was, like, in Mongolia, living on a mountain and in my village, I could be the hottest guy. In L.A., I'm... average? "

" I have many favorite vacation destinations, but my favorite destination is Maui. "

" I'm hoping that, over the years, people will come back to 'MADtv' and think it isn't that bad. We had some really talented people on there. "

" You gotta understand, there are two different kinds of Asians - the kind who are good at school, obey their parents, go to college - that kind of stuff. And then you have my family - me, my brother, all of my cousins - we're just wretched people. "

" I think people just think I am crazy because they see me doing stand-up, but I am generally not. I am very sad. I'm one of those guys that lights candles and listens to Rachmaninoff. "