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" I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny. "

Anthony Jeselnik

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" I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks. "

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" The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing for 11 years as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do. "

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" I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up. "

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" That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset. "

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" In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble. "

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" I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off. "

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" I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't be the bad guy in the joke; he couldn't upset people, really. "

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" Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and 'I hope horrible things don't happen to my family,' but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release. "

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" I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration. "

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" I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show. "

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" Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it. "

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" I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.' "

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