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" I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying, picture-hanging man. I don't care if he takes prescription drugs for cholesterol or hair loss. "
Mindy Kaling
He
Hair
Care
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" I was always a silent comedy nerd. I would stay up late and sneak downstairs to watch 'Saturday Night Live' and 'Kids in the Hall,' and things like that. Very early on, my parents realized that I was not going to be an engineer or a doctor. I just don't have those inclinations, at all. "
Mindy Kaling
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Doctor
" I love 'The Office.' I'm in the premiere, and I'm maybe gonna shoot another episode this season, but I've been there since the very beginning, so when I found out this is the last year - I am a good Asian kid who was an A student - I wish I could be there to the end to see things through. "
Mindy Kaling
Good
Beginning
End
" When men hear women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that's not it. It's a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome. "
Mindy Kaling
Life
Women
Relationship
" I would love if gay men responded to me. All I want is for many gay men to dress up as me for Halloween. "
Mindy Kaling
Gay
Dress
Men
" As a kid, I always loved serialized books. It's the reason why people love 'Harry Potter.' Serialization is amazing. It works in television. It works in film and it works in books. Especially when you're a young kid, you get attached to these characters. "
Mindy Kaling
Young
Amazing
You
" I have a thick skin, which comes from being a not-really-skinny, dark-skinned Indian woman. I haven't fit in every place, and so I'm kind of used to resistance. "
Mindy Kaling
Kind
Skin
Woman
" In terms of my Indianness, I try not to rely on it nor deny it. When it comes up organically in my writing, we can address it. About five years ago, we wrote this episode of 'The Office,' called 'Diwali,' which seemed like an organic way of using it. "
Mindy Kaling
Way
Office
Like
" Right now, I'm hankering for new adventures... Ninety percent of the time I'm having romantic-comedy fantasies in which I'm wearing little pencil skirts and hurrying down to the subway. "
Mindy Kaling
Right
New
Time
" The overlap in the Venn diagram of things that men hate for women to wear and the things that I love to wear, it's almost a full overlap on the Venn diagram, which is unfortunate for me. "
Mindy Kaling
Men
Women
Hate
" I've always assumed that my parents and my in-laws would live with me when I get older and have children. I just assume it will happen and that it's the right way to do things. It's a deeply Indian custom - that you kind of inherit your parents and your spouse's parents and you take care of them eventually. "
Mindy Kaling
You
Care
Children
" I try not to put anything political on the forefront of what I'm trying to do creatively. At the same time, I do think it's wonderful when I hear people say that it's inspirational that I'm an Indian woman on camera. My life is very diverse, and my friends are a diverse group of people. "
Mindy Kaling
People
Woman
Time
" I went to Dartmouth College so simply by being an Indian-American woman, I was already so statistically interesting. And then the fact that I didn't want to do anything science-related, and I wanted to write comedy plays and act little bit - I mean, I became deeply interesting in college because of how rare that was. "
Mindy Kaling
College
Comedy
Woman
" Catharsis isn't art. You can't rely on catharsis to get a laugh. Because guess what? People do laugh when something's shocking, but that is, to me, the absolute fakest of laughs. That's not something that sustains a television series, or a movie, or even 45 minutes of a stand-up set at Carolines. "
Mindy Kaling
Art
Laugh
People
" Live performance really terrifies me. I haven't done it, really, in years. I think that's why I retired from my brief career in stand-up. "
Mindy Kaling
Me
Performance
Career
" If you've seen a photo of me from when I was a kid, I don't think anyone would have expected that going in front of the camera was something that I was going to do. I can't believe how little effort my parents put into making me seem like an appealing little girl. "
Mindy Kaling
Girl
Effort
Believe
" I used to forget that I was an Indian woman. I would even forget that I was a woman. I don't think of myself as bringing to the table a lot of 'women's issues.' I don't feel the need to write about maternity. I grew up thinking that the talented people in comedy were hard-joke writers. "
Mindy Kaling
Think
Women
People
" Fast food is hugely important in the life of a comedy writer. All we do is order in, and what we're going to eat is hotly debated. "
Mindy Kaling
Food
Fast
Important
" I love talking about clothes with women; it's like a code because women dress for women. "
Mindy Kaling
Clothes
Dress
Love
" Not to be weird, but I still have an ongoing relationship with my mom, even though she passed away, and I've been surprised at how much I've been able to convey to her. Now I sound like a total weirdo, but that's true. "
Mindy Kaling
Mom
True
Weird
" I was obsessed with being popular in high school and never achieved it. There's photos from our high school musicals, and I'm comically in the deep background, wearing a beggar's costume. "
Mindy Kaling
Deep
School
High
" When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them, 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny. "
Mindy Kaling
Remember
Play
Funny
" On 'The Office,' so much of the show is about disguising your true feelings and your romantic feelings because it was a mock documentary. "
Mindy Kaling
Feelings
Show
True
" My relationship with my mom is really the single most profound relationship that I've ever had in my life. "
Mindy Kaling
My Life
Single
Mom
" Personally, I, Mindy Kaling want to spend like 80 percent of my life hanging out with women. "
Mindy Kaling
Out
Women
Want
" Anyone who's lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change - as anyone would change. "
Mindy Kaling
Lost
Change
Remember
" There's the psychotic ambitious side of myself that wants a fashion line and my own network and be like a combination of Oprah and Gwen Stefani. And have a perfume. Definitely a perfume. "
Mindy Kaling
Perfume
Myself
Own
" It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different. "
Mindy Kaling
Perfect
You
Women
" I'm not married, I frequently use my debit card to buy things that cost less than three dollars, and my bedroom is so untidy it looks like vandals ransacked the Anthropologie sale section. I'm kind of a mess. "
Mindy Kaling
Looks
Three
Bedroom
" I would love to be married. But it's not a necessity like the way that I feel I need and want to have children. It would be wonderful to have a husband, and I would feel blessed to do it. But I would feel sad for the rest of my life if I had no kids. "
Mindy Kaling
Sad
Rest
Love
" It would be disingenuous of me to blanket-ly love everything a woman has produced simply to make a statement that we're all in this together. No. We're in Hollywood trying to be competitive, and get numbers, have our eyes on the Nielsens and things like that. "
Mindy Kaling
Woman
Love
Together