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" I wanted to be a hostage negotiator. "

Christopher Voss

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" Consider this: Whenever someone is bothering you, and they just won't let up, and they won't listen to anything you have to say, what do you tell them to get them to shut up and go away? 'You're right.' It works every time. But you haven't agreed to their position. You have used 'you're right' to get them to quit bothering you. "

Christopher Voss

" Emotions are one of the main things that derail communication. Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out of the window. "

Christopher Voss

" There are three kinds of yeses. There's commitment, confirmation, and counterfeit. People are most used to giving the counterfeit yes because they've been trapped by the confirmation yes so many times. So the way you master no is understanding what really happens when somebody says 'no.' When yes is commitment, no is protection. "

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" The 'that's right' breakthrough usually doesn't come at the beginning of a negotiation. It's invisible to the counterpart when it occurs, and they embrace what you've said. To them, it's a subtle epiphany. "

Christopher Voss

" Price doesn't make deals, and salary doesn't control your career. "

Christopher Voss

" The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in. "

Christopher Voss

" As a negotiator, you should strive for a reputation of being fair. Your reputation precedes you. Let it precede you in a way that paves success. "

Christopher Voss

" In my years as the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator, I learned an important fundamental lesson: Hostage negotiation is often nothing more than a business transaction. "

Christopher Voss

" The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is to give the other side the illusion of control. Don't try to force your opponent to admit that you are right. Ask questions, that begin with 'How?' or 'What?' so your opponent uses mental energy to figure out the answer. "

Christopher Voss

" Body language and tone of voice - not words - are our most powerful assessment tools. "

Christopher Voss

" When it comes to salary negotiation, don't forget that salary is only one term of employment. What else is on the table - vacation time, benefits, bonuses, flex days? Before determining that these terms are 'must-haves' or 'giveaways' to get a bigger salary, find out what the counterpart has to offer. "

Christopher Voss

" Whether we notice it or not, we spend our days negotiating for something: for our spouse to do more housework, a child to eat just three more bites or go to bed on time, an extended deadline on a project, a salary increase, a better rate on a vacation package. "

Christopher Voss

" Successful negotiation is not about getting to 'yes'; it's about mastering 'no' and understanding what the path to an agreement is. "

Christopher Voss

" There are a lot of negotiators that really will give in on a deal because being understood is more important than getting what they want. And there's a particular type in particular, the assertive negotiator: being understood is actually more important to them than actually making the deal. "

Christopher Voss

" There's great power in deference. You ask somebody 'what' or 'how' questions. People love to be asked how to do something. They feel powerful, and from a deferential position, you've actually granted that power, and you're the one that now actually has the upper hand in the conversation. "

Christopher Voss

" In a job negotiation, the implementation of that deal is your success that also causes the company to succeed. "

Christopher Voss

" What I really think of myself as is a person who's great at negotiation coaching and consulting. "

Christopher Voss

" The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of 'no,' so they don't ask for what they really want. Instead, they ask for what they can realistically get. I've heard many people say, 'Well, that's a non-starter, so we won't even bring it up.' "

Christopher Voss

" Mirroring is simply repeating what someone just said. It creates more reception from the other side, it focuses attention, and it gives them an opportunity to dial in more with you and you to dial in more with them. It causes an almost completely unconscious response for the person to want to go on. "

Christopher Voss

" Every job that you take, the term that you should always include is, 'How can I be involved in the strategic projects that are critical to the future of the company?' You ask that question. It's a great 'how' question. "

Christopher Voss

" As human beings, we're powerfully swayed by how much we feel we're being respected. People comply with agreements if they feel they've been treated fairly and lash out if they don't. "

Christopher Voss

" People who are lying are, understandably, more worried about being believed, so they work harder - too hard, as it were - at being believable. "

Christopher Voss

" Emotions aren't the obstacles to a successful negotiation; they are the means. "

Christopher Voss

" If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that's the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy's mind. But most people don't do that. "

Christopher Voss