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" I was on stage and I was like I will pay someone to do my time, not only will I expect NOT to be paid, but I will pay someone if I can run off stage right now. It was so bad. "

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" I get mad at people who talk about traumatic job interviews, about going on one and getting rejected. I get rejected all the time and not only do I get rejected, but people have no problem being really specific about why I was rejected. "

" I'm finally a suburban housewife. Honestly, it's my dream come true. "

" I like going back and writing fiction. "

" Well, you can't be depressed and sad 24 hours a day. "

" Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? "

" To a certain extent I am taking a leap of faith. I'm adding up the evidence on either side, and I'm seeing the evidence of there not being a God is overwhelming compared to the evidence for there being a God. "

" I used to think no one should go into show biz, but now I feel differently. I now feel like it's a great career. If you can do it and make money at it and still not be so famous that you can have a normal life - then I think it's a great career. "

" I think one of the basic tasks in life - one of the nice things we can do for each other - is to take things that are horrible and scary and make them acceptable and less frightening and, if possible, funny. It feels great to succeed at that. "

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental. "

" I went with agnosticism for a long, long time because I just hated to say I was an atheist - being an atheist seemed so rigid. But the more I became comfortable with the word, and the more I read, it started to stick. "

" It was a fine cancer experience, as cancer experiences go. "

" I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this. "

" I'm not an activist. I'm trying to get off the whole atheist racket. "

" Mostly, I just want to be in my house reading and writing. "

" It's so weird to have someone tell you you're sick when you feel really healthy and good. "