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" I'd have liked to have been a bit more intellectual. I'd have liked to have had more brains. "

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" BBC TV gets hold of an idea and beats it to death until we're all heartily sick of it. They buy people without thinking what they're going to do with them. It's the wrong way around. What they should be doing is employing really good ideas people to come up with good ideas. "

" I speak some French, Spanish, a little German and Gaelic. "

" I was brought up to do my duty. Not to be vain, not to shout from the rooftops about my virtues - to be modest and well-behaved. I'm totally wrong for show business. "

" Da was a real fisherman. But it wasn't the catch that mattered, it was the skill of the cast, the preparation of the flies. I often think my inability to prepare, my desire to get going, are a direct result of watching my father making all those painstaking preparations before he cast his line. "

" I've always been the kind of person who leaves parties early to catch the last bus home. "

" Treasure is the kind of thing you dig up... or bury! And when people say, 'Oh, he's an icon,' well, an icon is a very old painting hanging in a Russian church! If you want to say something, say something nice about me. Don't call me a national treasure. "

" My parents spent an awful lot of money sending me to the best possible schools, and I came out of my exams and thought, 'I don't really want to do a degree.' I did philosophy with the Jesuits for about a year, and then I joined a bank. While I was there, I saw an ad in an Irish paper for radio announcers. "

" Sadly, I can't avoid being 75. Like many people of my age, we are all heading towards the grim reaper, and I am clinging on. I just to have to sharpen my fingernails a little so that I can hang on for longer! "

" All of us are private to ourselves. Nobody ever really knows anybody else. Everybody in the world keeps something to themselves. "

" I'm terribly shallow. I don't miss things once I have stopped doing them, and I don't miss people when I stop seeing them. "

" I have to say, without getting up on a soapbox, I find these reality shows absolutely disgusting. "

" I don't think there's a public in the world who respond like the British to a call for charity. "

" Just as you should never confuse the law with common justice, intelligence should not be confused with common sense. Some of the brightest people in the world have no idea how to cross the road. "

" I don't like seeing myself on screen. Whenever I see or hear myself, I think, 'What is that eejet doing now?' I'm in the wrong business. I don't like the limelight. "

" There's nothing to be said for being famous. It's a pain. You can't be rude to people - it's inexcusable not to be nice. Anyway, it's not in my nature. I was trained to be nice. "

" The high spot of my day has always been getting home to have my dinner with my family. It still is: to have my dinner with Helen. It's a cocktail and dinner. I know I'm a tired old geezer, but there you are. "

" There's more to life than passing exams, and paper qualifications can only take you so far. A lot depends on luck, and on being in the right place at the right time, which was certainly true in my case. "

" Time flies like an arrow - but fruit flies like a banana. "

" I've seen my fair share of drama over the years of Children In Need. I had a close brush with mortality in 2009 when a chain collapsed from the studio rigging. I was in mid-spout to camera when I heard an enormous crash behind me - a ton of steel had come hurtling down and smashed to the ground a few feet away. "

" Age, they say, is only important if you're cheese. or a wine. They also say, if you are stuck behind one on a golf course, that a tree is 90 per cent air. How come, then, that you invariably send your ball crashing into the remaining 10 per cent? "

" Nobody ever texts me, because they know what I'm like. I'm a constant frustration to my children because I never switch my mobile phone on. I only use it when I need to make a call or when I'm stuck somewhere or lost, then I switch it off again. I've never texted anyone in my life, and I'm not sure I even know how to. "

" It's only a matter of time before it all starts to fall apart, before things start to fall off. Short legs, long body. The kind of person who in the Middle Ages would come up over the hill on his horse, and they'd say, 'Get Wogan,' and I'd be there with my shield, the first to die. "

" Why do men think they know how to cook outside when they haven't the smallest idea how to go about it indoors? "

" The BBC knew I was successful from early on, but they weren't sure why, and they still aren't sure. What I do has been unconventional from the beginning, so they've never been sure. It just works. It just does. "

" I'm asked to do 'Strictly Come Dancing' on a regular basis, but I always say no. "

" My father was always slightly bemused by my success. Although he knew that I had reasonable intelligence, he always thought that I was a little bit lazy. "

" All reality TV shows are a triumph of voyeurism. They choose contestants who are ill-suited and slightly freakish. "

" Go out and face the world secure in the knowledge that everybody else thinks they are better looking than they are as well. "

" I've no patience for people who say they never watch television. It's a great way to keep in touch with popular culture, and it's important that children can relate to what their schoolmates are watching. "

" What used to be called 'good manners' is now regarded as mere affectation. Open a door for a young woman, and she's likely to call security. "