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" In 1992, I critiqued the panic over growing family diversity. My skepticism about the doomsayers has since been proven correct. "
Stephanie Coontz
Panic
Over
Diversity
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" Presidents Reagan and the first George Bush never used the vile language of some Trump supporters, but both blamed scarce resources and decaying communities on 'welfare queens' and black criminals like Willie Horton. "
Stephanie Coontz
Like
Resources
Never
" We need to push for work-family practices and policies that allow individuals to customize their work lives according to their changing individual preferences and family obligations, not just their traditional gender roles. "
Stephanie Coontz
Need
Push
Work
" I've had the kind of complex life I write about. I was a single mother for 12 years. I'd been engaged. The wedding fell through. I then discovered I was pregnant and opted to have the child on my own. I was a professor. I was in my mid-30s. I could manage it financially. "
Stephanie Coontz
Life
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Mother
" To my mind, it is better to have regrets about the good aspects of your former marriage because you were able to work past some of your accumulated resentments than to have no regrets because you had to ratchet up the hostility to get out in the first place. "
Stephanie Coontz
Place
Marriage
Good
" As a historian, I've spent much of my career warning people about the dangers of nostalgia. "
Stephanie Coontz
People
Warning
Career
" When we assume that 'normal' people need 'time to heal,' or discourage individuals from making any decisions until a year or more after a loss, as some grief counselors do, we may be giving inappropriate advice. Such advice can cause people who feel ready to move on to wonder if they are hardhearted. "
Stephanie Coontz
Grief
Move On
People
" Putting women first would mean strengthening America's social safety net, because a higher proportion of single-mother families live in poverty here than in any other wealthy country. "
Stephanie Coontz
Women
Live
America
" The real gender inequality in marriage stems from the tendency to regard women as the default parent, the one who, in the absence of family-friendly work policies, is expected to adjust her paid work to shoulder the brunt of domestic responsibilities. "
Stephanie Coontz
Marriage
Gender
Parent
" Throughout history, people with few educational or economic resources and little bargaining power have often looked to authoritarian, ruthless people to stand up for them. "
Stephanie Coontz
Stand
Stand Up
History
" Cooking ought to be, quite literally, child's play. And every child ought to have access to the game. Just don't tell them it's healthy. "
Stephanie Coontz
Game
Play
Child
" Historically, mass demonstrations have worked best at shifting public opinion and pressuring the powers-that-be when organizers highlighted one concrete demand: 'Bring Our Boys Home from Vietnam'; 'End Segregation Now'; 'Support Women's Right to Choose.' "
Stephanie Coontz
Home
End
Best
" A primary motivation for introducing no-fault divorce was, in fact, to reduce perjury in the legal system. "
Stephanie Coontz
System
Motivation
Legal
" Marriage is generally based on more equality and deeper friendship than in the past, but even so, it is hard for it to compensate for the way that work has devoured time once spent cultivating friendships. "
Stephanie Coontz
Marriage
Work
Time
" Because we live so much of our adult lives as singles, it no longer makes sense to assume that marriage is the only way people will organize their obligations and commitments. "
Stephanie Coontz
People
Sense
Way
" Marriage is no longer the only place where people make major life transitions and decisions, enter into commitments, or incur obligations. "
Stephanie Coontz
Decisions
People
Life
" As time passes, the actual complexity of our history - even of our own personal experience - gets buried under the weight of the ideal image. "
Stephanie Coontz
Own
Time
History
" Couples need time alone to renew their relationship. They also need to sustain supportive networks of friends and family. "
Stephanie Coontz
Time
Alone
Family
" Our goal should be to develop work-life policies that enable people to put their gender values into practice. So let's stop arguing about the hard choices women make and help more women and men avoid such hard choices. "
Stephanie Coontz
Choices
Women
Practice
" Feminism insists on women's right to make choices - about whether to marry, whether to have children, whether to combine work and family or to focus on one over the other. It also urges men and women to share the joys and burdens of family life and calls on society to place a higher priority on supporting caregiving work. "
Stephanie Coontz
Children
Life
Men
" Being a feminist is not about how successful, talented, and assertive you are in your own life. It's about whether you support the struggle to overcome the limiting gendered stereotypes and barriers that force so many women to restrict their aspirations as workers, to fulfill their aspirations as parents, and force so many men to do the opposite. "
Stephanie Coontz
You
Struggle
Women
" Graduating from high school is certainly a good idea, but it's no longer much protection against poverty. "
Stephanie Coontz
High School
Poverty
Good
" Historically, it has required a combination of favorable employment trends and active government intervention to lower the percentage of people in poverty and raise living standards for the working middle class. "
Stephanie Coontz
Government
Poverty
People
" Why do people - gay or straight - need the state's permission to marry? For most of Western history, they didn't, because marriage was a private contract between two families. The parents' agreement to the match, not the approval of church or state, was what confirmed its validity. "
Stephanie Coontz
Parents
People
Marriage
" Heterosexuals were the upstarts who turned marriage into a voluntary love relationship rather than a mandatory economic and political institution. "
Stephanie Coontz
Political
Relationship
Love
" I am not arguing that women ought to 'settle.' I am arguing that we can now expect more of a mate than we could when we depended on men for our financial security, social status, and sense of accomplishment. "
Stephanie Coontz
Now
Accomplishment
I Am
" In my work as a historian and in my relationships as a friend, teacher, wife, and mother, I have come to think that the most useful way to understand the past and make it work for you is to look at the trade-offs and contradictions that, however deeply buried, can be uncovered in every memory, good or bad. "
Stephanie Coontz
Teacher
Past
Good
" The growing diversity of family life comes with new possibilities as well as new challenges. "
Stephanie Coontz
Life
Diversity
Family
" Contrary to myth, 'The Feminine Mystique' and feminism did not represent the beginning of the decline of the stay-at-home mother but a turning point that led to much stronger legal rights and 'working conditions' for her. "
Stephanie Coontz
Legal
Mother
Stronger
" Social changes always involve trade-offs. "
Stephanie Coontz
Social
Always
Involve
" One thing standing in the way of further progress for many men is the same obstacle that held women back for so long: overinvestment in their gender identity instead of their individual personhood. "
Stephanie Coontz
Identity
Women
Progress