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" Luckily, voting machines register only 'yes' or 'no,' not 'yes, but I hate myself'. "

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" I thought the irreducible requirements of Republicanism were being for life, small government, and a strong national defense. "

" I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention. "

" Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy. "

" Americans don't want immigration. They don't want any more. Why can't we have a home? You see on 'National Geographic,' 'Oh, the indigenous people, they have a home.' Everyone else can have a home. We are the only people on Earth not allowed to have a home. "

Indigenous People

" I'm the female Bob Woodward! If I were a liberal, I couldn't write another book. I'd be so busy collecting awards! I'd be posing for the cover of 'Vanity Fair!' "

" I'm happy every day. You know, that moment when you first wake up in the morning, and you're just finishing your dream, like you're a dog chasing a post truck - and then you realize, 'Oh no, I'm a human, and I'm awake, and it's Trump's America! "

" My first albums as a little kid were Elton John's 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,' Simon and Garfunkel's 'Greatest Hits' - and 'Workingman's Dead.' How many other people still listen to the music they liked at age 12? "

" What happens is, illegal immigrants can run across the border, drop a baby, and say, 'Ha-ha, there's nothing you can do now. My kid's an American citizen.' Well, that wasn't the intent of the 14th Amendment. Americans would not agree with that. It creates a horrible incentive. "

" Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening. "

" It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted. "

" Democrats couldn't care less if people in Indiana hate them. But if Europeans curl their lips, liberals can't look at themselves in the mirror. "

" My greatest acting performance was pretending to enjoy the movie 'Selma'. "

" I have huge fans. Gays love me. "

" Different cultures have different predilections for different kinds of crime. "

Different Cultures

" Any Republican who says he can work with Hillary Clinton is a traitor to the nation. "

" The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control. "

" Why do we let blind people and people in wheelchairs become citizens? I feel sorry for cripples, but that doesn't mean I want them in my country. "

" First step: Build the wall. Second step: Let ICE do its job. Third step: Stop importing jihadists and welfare recipients. Fourth step: enforce e-verify to protect American jobs. Fifth step: prosecute social security card/ID theft/voting fraud. "

" I don't apologize for supporting Trump. He said all the right things, and nobody else would even say it. I suppose it's possible that another politician who really meant it would come along. There's Kris Kobach, Tom Cotton, Jeff Sessions... there are probably a handful of politicians. "

" I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it. "

" God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. "

" Gays are the molecular opposites of blacks. "

" We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say. That is what Christianity is. We believe the Old Testament, but ours is more like Federal Express. "

" Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter of America's self-preservation, the difference is irrelevant. "