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" Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who already left. "

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" If you know a good player who is tempted by pool hustling, introduce him at once to a career guidance counselor, a psychotherapist, or a surgeon who does lobotomies. "

" The purpose of life is a life of purpose. "

" One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas. "

" Doing a thing well is often a waste of time. "

" A promising young man should go into politics so that he can go on promising for the rest of his life. "

" To err is human, to purr feline. "

To Err Is Human

" There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. "

" Getting caught is the mother of invention. "

" Once-dominant games like straight pool and three-cushion billiards have lost ground to eight-ball - the game of choice for millions of tavern league players - and nine-ball, the preeminent tournament game. "

" Partying is such sweet sorrow. "

" Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo. "

" To apply spin with security, you must learn to make a snug bridge with your forefinger looped over the cue. When you hit the cueball, follow straight through; don't let your cue rise in the air after impact. "

" Petty thievery is a more profitable job than pool hustling, which it resembles, requires far less talent and training, and is equally devoid of promise. "

" There is money to be made giving trick-shot shows at schools, clubs, tournaments, and even shopping centers. Pool shows on television almost always include a few fancy shots. "

" Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. "

" Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. "

" No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one. "

" A game is great, in my view, only if it can be played happily by a sane person of at least average intelligence for several hours a day for fifty years. Both pool and billiards qualify. "

" If the numbers keep mounting, newspapers will eventually have to admit that pool exists and give it some coverage. "

" It's easy to make a cue last a lifetime. Don't boil it or freeze it in the trunk of a car. Don't lean it against a wall for years. If you lose a game to a complete idiot, hit the edge of the table in anger with something other than your cue. "

" Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least. "

" Prejudices save time. "

" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "

" Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.' "