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" Moms and daughters can negotiate over anything, and they can go on longer than it took to settle the Vietnam War. "

Steve Schirripa

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" I'm not big with negotiating. "

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" In every movie and every TV show, the dads are morons. And dads tend to react by doing what dads do best: They check out. They say, 'Ask your mother.' "

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" I'd like to form a club just for fathers. Specifically, fathers of daughters. There would be lots of overstuffed leather chairs, wood paneling, dim lights. The works. "

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" I read a lot of true-crime books, but sometimes they can put you in a bad mood. "

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" Some people will humiliate themselves or their families just to be on television. "

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" I gotta say, as the father of two beautiful young daughters, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. "

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" Being the father of girls is a kind of illness, in its own way - since any guy who has tried to live in a house with a wife and two daughters is, without any doubt, going to go certifiably nuts. "

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" I tell my kids, 'I'm your father, not your friend - but I'm also the best friend you're ever going to have because no one is going to care for you the way I care about you.' "

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" Kids don't come with an instruction manual. So if you're gonna make mistakes, at least make them your own way. "

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" I've been offered 'Celebrity Fit Club', where you have to take off your shirt and get on a scale. I got kids, man. I'm not going to humiliate myself. I'd rather drive a cab. "

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" As far as my own life goes, I don't buy into the Hollywood scene. "

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" When people tell me that I'm a hothead, I have one response, 'You got a problem with that?' "

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" With girls, there's an insecurity that starts early on. It hangs around them, like some annoying kid from down the block who won't take the hint and go home when dinnertime comes. And moms are usually not great at giving their daughters confidence. "

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" Sometimes being a dad is like watching a ping-pong match. "

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" There's no such thing as quality time; there's only quantity time. "

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