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" Most stand-up is incredibly boring. It's time for people to do something else. "

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" When things start running a bit too well on the tracks, I tend to derail them if I can. "

" I did try and do some spooky stand up once, and some of my stand-up had - I tried to do some horror stand-up, but it didn't really work very well. "

" I always dreamt of being in 'Kerrang.' That was my ambition. I read that religiously when I was into heavy metal. Then the jazz magazines took over. "

" I was going to be a jazz-fusion guitarist. I came to London at one point with my mate, and we were going to make it. We spent three days there and went back home to our mummies. "

" Sometimes, you write things that sound really great when you're at home but don't work when you shine the light of an audience on them. Great writing and live writing are two separate things. "

" I don't like talking about myself; I'm not good at analysing myself. I don't want to analyse myself. "

" I thought I could see how standup worked. I never thought of being an actor - or anything else, really - but I thought, 'I can see how you get on stage and tell jokes.' "

" The acting life can be quite scary, really. "

" I love 'Airplane,' and I love 'Naked Gun' and all those films, where you're parodying. "

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" We used to have to convince people we were funny, and it didn't always work. "