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" My senior year of high school, I got into UCLA, but my family couldn't afford it. "

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" I think making friends is not being afraid to look stupid, because everyone wants a friend who is willing to be stupid and fun. If you try and be too cool, it only works in high school. After that, being uncool is a very cool thing to do. So just have fun, and don't worry what other people think of you and people will want to be your friends. "

" If you like standup and decide that it's overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show. "

" Hot girls have so many options. Sitting at home alone any night of the week and searching the Internet for a dude is on zero hot girls' agendas. So they're definitely not coming after you. "

" I sang the National Anthem at Dodger Stadium - at a baseball game - which was crazy; there was, like, 60,000 people there, which is a huge deal in America - singing the National Anthem. "

" I loved Adam Sandler's early stuff. I thought it was so cool how irreverent and weird he would get. "

" The American school system's a little warped, so anyone can get a degree if they have a little money. "

" My favorite sequels are basically all Mike Myers films - 'Wayne's World 2,' 'Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me,' 'Shrek 2.' Anything he does, it's best the second time around. He needs to do 'So I Married an Axe Murderer 2.' "

" I'm such a huge 'Arrested Development' fan. "

" I like the guys who wrote their own stuff and were able to perform it, like Seth Rogen. He popped off so young. When he did 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin,' and he was a co-producer on the movie, I was like, 'Oh my God: that's exactly what I want to do.' "

" Jealousy is the worst trait in any person. "

" That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college; follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college. "

" Some celebrities like to get behind water conservation or helping the homeless get back on their feet. Me? Body grooming control: that's what I like to step behind 100 percent. "

" What's so cool about movies is once you're done with the movie, you put it away and come up with a whole new different idea with different characters and a different world. But in TV, you build these characters, and you build this world, and then you're there for however long you do the show. "

" I don't want any competition; I've finally made it! I don't want any young bucks knocking me off and taking my job, so stay in school! Stay in school and get a nice job working in an office! "

" I like Louis C.K., Chris Rock. Old schools like Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. "

" The thing that I think a lot of guys need to know how to do is not take your mother's advice about honesty being the best policy. Listen to your cool, drunk uncle who tells you to lie. Those are the relationships that last. "

" I sold steaks over the phone in Omaha, Nebraska. Marbling, fantastic. That's what makes a great steak; a lot of people don't know. "

" I tried out for my basketball team every year and I never made it. You had to buy the shoes before you knew if you were on the team because it took a few weeks for them to ship. I bought the shoes every year, never once made the team, had a ton of high school basketball shoes. "

" After 'Pitch Perfect,' I only want to be in sequels. No. 2 of whatever. "

" What happened to me is I gained a little weight so I could be more accessible to people. They're not like, 'Oh my God, he's, like, a male model comedian; yuck, ugh.' It's like, 'Oh, he's a little squishy; He's like me. He's accessible.' And girls are like, 'Look how cuddly he is. I just want to cuddle up in his neck fat and go to sleep.' "

" People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time. "

" As far as stand-ups go, I always loved Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, and Sinbad. Basically, I love black comedians because they're the funniest. I wish I were a black comedian, actually. "

" There's not one thing that inspires me the most. Me and my friends joke around with each other and hang out so much that whatever makes us laugh really hard makes it into 'Workaholics.' But the characters that I think are funny are guys that are confidently stupid. "

" My parents are very cool and wildly supportive - maybe almost too much. I want to tell them to chill out. "