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" My wife would probably tell you I'm quite a dark person all the time! "

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" I can't do anything other than writing. I'm not very able, generally. If I'd not been a writer, I would probably be a very unsuccessful political adviser to someone or have worked for a council. "

" I struggle quite a lot in rehearsals, partly because I'm shy, partly because I still don't really understand the work that actors and directors do. I love the magic at the end, but the getting there - the wrong turns that are necessary to make something work - I find slightly beguiling and worrying. "

" I wrote my first play because I wanted to try directing something, and I couldn't afford the rights - it was an adaptation of a book called 'The Wave' by Morton Rhue. "

" I tended to be the nerdy kid - stood at the back, watching other people having fun - I wasn't always necessarily a big part of the fun myself. "

" Hanging out with Pierce Brosnan on the set of 'A Long Way Down' was quite an extraordinary thing to do. The interesting thing is, he never behaves like a star. He's a really nice man. "

" They're odd beasts, musicals, but what I like about them is the way they allow windows into people's lives. When people sing, you get an opportunity to see a vulnerability, a glimpse of a life in a messed-up head. "

" I really do love working. There's no day where I don't want to write. "

" At my school, when kids went into the army at 16, they didn't do it in a gung-ho, Tom Cruise, 'Born on the Fourth of July' way. They were generally - and I hope this doesn't offend them - the more vulnerable members of the class. They enlisted seeking family, and they didn't always find it. "

" I am trying to write a play that is big and I feel represents me - that's my big ambition. "

" Writing is one of those jobs that everyone has an opinion on. I don't think this is a bad thing. "

" I don't really write with actors in mind; I write with characters and then hope desperately that we can get good actors to play those parts. "

" When you write a script, you hope that people will give it life beyond the script. "

" It's not that I don't like other people - I do. I just don't like me. "

" I was taken to court for trying to travel on a child ticket to Glastonbury '97. I was, and still am, 6 ft. 5. "

" The thing about having a very young audience in the theatre is that sometimes they laugh at the bullying scenes. It's really interesting, what that means. It still confuses me slightly, you know; someone's getting quite brutally bullied on stage and people are laughing. I think it's very hard being young. "

" I'm not very articulate. I don't have that skill. "

" I've just had a little boy, and my wife and I called him Elliott because 'E.T.' sort of saved my life because that film is absolutely about something being out there that's greater than yourself. "

" I think London is a bit sad, and I find it a bit overwhelming. There's a lot of quite unhappy people, and it's very goal-driven. "

" I like working. But now I have a deal with my wife that I take a half-day off each week. "

" I'm going to feel intimidated whatever: that's just my natural state. So I may as well embrace intimidation. "

" I find small talk exhausting, and I don't like myself when I'm around people. "

" I cook every night: it's part of the marriage pact. "

" I'm a constant idiot in conversation - I always seem to sound either smug or stupid. Writing plays was a way of winning the conversation by controlling the conversation. "

" When I was in my early twenties, I spent six months bedbound with a condition called Cholinergic Urticaria that basically means I'm allergic to heat, including my own body. It was bad. "