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" Nothing is over and done with. Nothing. Not even your malice. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Done
Your
Even
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" The other inmates stand in a long straight line, flanked by guards, and I am dragged past them. I do not respect them, because they will not run - will not try to escape. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Run
Past
Long
" Paranoia is an illness I contracted in institutions. It is not the reason for my sentences to reform school and prison. It is the effect, not the cause. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Cause
School
Reason
" The part of me which wanders through my mind and never sees or feels actual objects, but which lives in and moves through my passions and my emotions, experiences this world as a horrible nightmare. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Me
Emotions
Never
" I find it painful and angering to look in a mirror. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Mirror
Painful
Look
" My eyes, my brain seek out escape routes wherever I am sent. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Seek
I Am
Brain
" When they talk of ghosts of the dead who wander in the night with things still undone in life, they approximate my subjective experience of this life. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Ghosts
Night
Experience
" I escaped one time. In 1971 I was in the free world for six weeks. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Weeks
Escaped
Free
" One morning I woke up and was plunged into psychological shock. I had forgotten I was free. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Free
Morning
Up
" Imagine a thousand more such daily intrusions in your life, every hour and minute of every day, and you can grasp the source of this paranoia, this anger that could consume me at any moment if I lost control. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Daily
Day
Life
" To be in prison so long, it's difficult to remember exactly what you did to get there. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Long
You
Remember
" That is how prison is tearing me up inside. It hurts every day. Every day takes me further from my life. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Life
Prison
Inside
" There was never sufficient evidence presented at my trial to support a finding of intent to kill. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Finding
Trial
Support
" Because there is something helpless and weak and innocent - something like an infant - deep inside us all that really suffers in ways we would never permit an insect to suffer. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Us
Deep
Innocent
" When I'm forced by circumstances to be in a crowd of prisoners, it's all I can do to refrain from attack. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Crowd
I Can
Circumstances
" As long as I am nothing but a ghost of the civil dead, I can do nothing. "
Jack Henry Abbott
I Am
Ghost
Dead
" I have been desperate to escape for so many years now, it is routine for me to try to escape. "
Jack Henry Abbott
Try
Years
Routine