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" Switzerland still has a huge share of the watch market, all advertised at the airport on illuminated hoardings. Gosh, they are ugly. "
Simon Hoggart
Watch
Airport
Ugly
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" It's sad that the BBC is toning down Dennis the Menace for a cartoon series. He is losing his weapons, catapult and peashooter, will no longer pick on Walter the Softy, and his ferocious grimace is to be replaced by a charming, boyish smile. "
Simon Hoggart
Losing
Down
Will
" Corney & Barrow are proud to have the royal warrant, meaning that they provide the Palace with some of the greatest - and necessarily most expensive - wines from around the world. I am pleased to say that they also hold my own warrant, for providing exceptional wines at - surprisingly - modest prices. "
Simon Hoggart
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Meaning
I Am
" I also learned to play Fruit Ninja on an iPad. It is quite hypnotic, and I hope one day to get past 100 points. I remembered that David Cameron admits to being an addict. I wonder if it helps him in his work. 'Great, just destroyed a pineapple! Reminds me, shall we send those grenades to the Syrian rebels?' "
Simon Hoggart
Great
Past
Me
" The Tory party is like a rugby union match in which all 30 players are wearing the same strip. They're not sure who they are grabbing round the knees, but they're having a lot of fun doing it. "
Simon Hoggart
Party
Same
Rugby
" Kind 'Guardian' readers have been forwarding me round robin Christmas newsletters for years now: lengthy missives full of perfect children, exotic holidays, talented pets and endless, tedious detail. The notes that accompanied them revealed they had inspired in the original recipients everything from mild irritation to absolute rage. "
Simon Hoggart
Children
Christmas
Detail
" The Chinese do make vast quantities of wine for home consumption, but you wouldn't want to drink it yourself. "
Simon Hoggart
Home
Wine
You
" In Washington, success is just a training course for failure. "
Simon Hoggart
Washington
Failure
Success
" Poor Harper Seven Beckham, having to live with that name all her life. It's the Boy Named Sue syndrome; at the very least it will toughen her up. "
Simon Hoggart
Poor
Name
Live
" Even I would find a book about my life pretty dull. "
Simon Hoggart
Pretty
Even
Book
" I know of no wars started by anyone to impose lack of religion on someone else. We have lethal Sunni v Shia, Catholic against Protestant, but no agnostic suicide bombers attack crowded atheist pubs. "
Simon Hoggart
Know
Religion
Someone
" Living in New York is like being at some terrible late-night party. You're tired, you've had a headache since you arrived, but you can't leave because then you'd miss the party. "
Simon Hoggart
New York
You
Tired
" She is the first head of government in history to give a whole country its second childhood. "
Simon Hoggart
She
Government
Childhood
" I've served on five different juries, and many of them were bonkers in their own way. "
Simon Hoggart
Own
Them
Many
" Some government expenditure actually makes a profit. Our theatre leads the world. Loads of tourists must be attracted by the fact that you could spend a week in London doing nothing but visit superb museums and galleries, free. "
Simon Hoggart
Free
Theatre
Week
" Every time humanists try to get a slot on 'Thought For the Day' on Radio 4, they are told it's reserved for 'the faith community,' whatever that is. Yet 'TfT' is almost always pabulum about how God wants us all to love each other and care for the unfortunate. I'm sure humanists would say much the same, without God. "
Simon Hoggart
Time
Love
God
" When people move from one extreme set of views to embrace another equally batty picture of the world, they expect us to applaud their choice, as if the fact that they have rejected one form of nuttiness somehow validates the screwball views they hold now. "
Simon Hoggart
Choice
People
Picture
" Americans are fascinated by their own love of shopping. This does not make them unique. It's just that they have more to buy than most other people on the planet. And it's also an affirmation of faith in their country. "
Simon Hoggart
Unique
Shopping
People
" When you actually see Barack Obama, it's startling how slight he is and how young he looks. "
Simon Hoggart
He
How
Looks
" While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox. "
Simon Hoggart
Sense
Fox
Funniest
" Jim Sheridan, the MP who wants to ban sketchwriters from the Commons for being rude about politicians, is a blithering idiot. Sorry, scrub that - clearly a very thoughtful person with whom I might conceivably disagree on some marginal issues. A blithering savant, perhaps. "
Simon Hoggart
Thoughtful
Sorry
Politicians
" When you visit a foreign city you are in it, but not of it, separated by a glass wall. Once, while a student, I was getting dressed in my ground-floor room when a family of Italians crossed the grass to watch, as if I were laid on for their amusement and instruction. "
Simon Hoggart
City
Student
Watch
" I cannot be alone in being pretty nauseated by Red Nose Day, or at least its television manifestation. Do I think that wretchedly poor children in Africa should get food and life-saving drugs? Of course. Do I want to be hectored into contributing by celebrities who earn more in a 10-minute slot than many of these families get in a year? Nope. "
Simon Hoggart
Children
Alone
Think
" If you read the 'Daily Mail,' you would imagine that the British middle classes lead lives of unremitting misery. "
Simon Hoggart
Lead
Daily
You
" All over the U.S. there are people whose lives are being destroyed for lack of proper health care provision, and there is no sight more odious than the rich, powerful and arrogant trying to keep it that way. "
Simon Hoggart
Health
Rich
People
" When I was collecting material for a political gossip column, and someone said something interesting, I would wait for them to add, 'and I don't want to read that in your magazine!' In which case I wouldn't use it. But if they didn't remember to say it, I'd nip off to the loo, write the story up, come back and change the subject. "
Simon Hoggart
Remember
Change
Political
" I think the great thing about grandparents is seeing another home, realising that people you love can have different priorities, different diversions, different opinions and lead quite different lives from the ones you see every day, and that is immensely valuable. "
Simon Hoggart
Home
Think
People
" We all have our opinions. But I suspect that writers are actually less worth heeding, because they regard themselves as so uniquely important, so culturally sensitive. "
Simon Hoggart
Important
Worth
Sensitive
" My colleague Bill Keegan has written a very short book ('Saving the World?') on an unlikely topic - he is the first economist to try to rehabilitate Gordon Brown. "
Simon Hoggart
Short
Book
First
" Denis Healey refused to contribute an article to the 'Guardian' about his intentions, and was punished by the electorate - and then all Labour MPs - for his presumption in assuming they already knew everything about him. He became famously the best prime minister we never had. Perhaps. "
Simon Hoggart
Assuming
Best
Never
" To be fair to the Inquisition, they only used confessions extracted after the torture had ended, which let them claim that admissions had been freely given; the fact that the torture would have started again if they hadn't confessed was a minor detail. "
Simon Hoggart
Detail
Started
Fair