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" The rhino is now more or less extinct, and it's not because of global warming or shrinking habitats. It's because of Beyonce's handbags. "

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" Each year of life brings us nearer to our decline, but I will continue to seek a listener until I'm dead in a ditch. "

" I'm fascinated by people in their eighties and nineties. Especially those who are still creating and living in an interesting way. I am fascinated by them because they have so much to say now that they've lived for so long. "

" Whether it be Beyonce or Justin Bieber, we see singers who have absolutely nothing to offer anyone as they walk off stage clutching three Grammys in each hand. "

" Congratulations to Prince Charles for banning foie gras from all his functions. "

" People don't like me. "

" Well, I'm a Catholic by birth and you can never shed it. "

" With the issue of immigration, it's very difficult because, although I don't have anything against people from other countries, the higher the influx into England, the more the British identity disappears. "

" There has to reach a point where you've said enough. "

" I'm a traditionalist. "

" I don't necessarily think that the world should know everything, and even if you consider yourself to be extremely honest, that doesn't mean you have to blurt everything out all the time. "

" If you walk through Knightsbridge on any bland day of the week you won't hear an English accent. You'll hear every accent under the sun apart from the British accent. "

" Lady Gaga said to me, 'You showed me how it's done.' I have no idea what she meant by 'it.' "

" I think we were all initially swept along with the Obama win, but he's proven to be simply a set of teeth, and useless in every other regard. "

" If you love animals, obviously it doesn't make sense to hurt them. "

" For me to think in terms of employing security seems ostentatious. "

" Those Catholics, they really nab you when you're young. "

" I hated the royal wedding. "

" War, I thought, was the most negative aspect of male heterosexuality. If more men were homosexual, there would be no wars, because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men. "

" The solo years have been more meaningful to the audiences than the Smiths years, but the press in England only write about me in relation to the Smiths era. "

" Pop music has progressed. "

" Long hair is an unpardonable offence which should be punishable by death. "

" Reggae is vile. "

" Smiths songs certainly have an astonishing afterlife. "

" Everything about my life is private, really. I'm not so sure that any of it has ever been public. "

" The body changes shape and there's nothing you can do about it. "

" Artists aren't really people. And I'm actually 40 per cent papier mache. "

" Obviously Madonna reinforces everything absurd and offensive. "

" I don't even know if I exist offstage. "

" I normally live in Los Angeles, if you can call it normally living. "

" Not everybody is absolutely stupid. Why on earth would I be racist, what would I be trying to achieve? "