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" To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing. "

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" Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn. "

" I have performed my one-man show '700 Sundays' over 400 times now. There were only two times that I can honestly say I was nervous. The first was when I knew Mel Brooks was in the audience, and the second was when Sid Caesar came. "

" You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world. "

" I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish. "

" The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. "

" I never missed a birthday. I never missed a school play. We carpooled. And the greatest compliment I can ever get is not about my career or performance or anything; it's when people say, 'You know, your girls are great.' That's the real thing for me. "

" Of course my uncle was a giant, but my dad, in particular, had the house filled with these great Dixieland jazz stars, really the best of them: Henry Red Allen, Willie 'The Lion' Smith, Buster Bailey, Cutty Cutshall, Tyree Glenn, Zutty Singleton. These are all big names in the Dixieland world. "

" Gentlemen, start your egos. "

" Muhammad Ali struck us in the middle of America's darkest night, in the heart of its most threatening gathering storm. His power toppled the mightiest of foes, and his intense light shined on America, and we were able to see clearly injustice, inequality, poverty, pride, self realization, courage, laughter, love, joy and religious freedom for all. "

" My parents always looked like they loved being together. That's what I took from them, and that's how my wife and I are. I still feel like we're dating. "

" What's so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you're constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that. "

" Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. "

" I was a good baseball player. I still play a couple of times a week as part of my daily workout. Just throwing the ball, running around, fielding ground balls, you know. It's better to me than being on a treadmill or some sort of Zumba class. "

" To this day, with all of these muscle-bound guys, nobody hit the ball further than Mickey Mantle, with his natural strength. "

" There used to be that you only had four or five critics that you would look to for intelligent conversation, but now there are millions of people who can just press 'send,' and everyone's got an opinion even if no one cares what they say. It makes things a little bit tougher. "

" One night, I wrote down all the things I was waiting to do with my little granddaughter, and it became a book, 'I Already Know I Love You.' It was one of those really lovely things in life. "

" My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I've already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me. "

" I'm going to go on just living and laughing and loving. "

" Dad had a music store, and he'd often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy. "

" You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they're raising them. You can't push your way into areas where you shouldn't be saying anything. You have to always remember they're not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death - then hand them back. "

" My mind is always going. I'm always thinking what I need to do, what I haven't done, what I did do, what I didn't do as well as I could - I'm relentless that way with myself. "

" I still don't love the darkness, though I've learned to smile in it a little bit, now and then. "

" We're in this together. We are Americans. We all have to do the best we can. And we will because that's who we are. "