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" To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible. "

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" Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't. "

" Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air. "

" Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense. "

" Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect. "

" Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously. "

" Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty. "

" This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt. "

" Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough. "

" Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back. "

" A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings. "

" Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. "

" If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. "

" The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election. "

" Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents. "

" Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. "

" If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. "

" One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills. "

" A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie. "

" Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money. "

" A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. "

" He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone. "

" An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen. "

" He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone. "

" Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. "

" The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise. "

" Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done. "

" Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure. "

" You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten. "