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" Twitter is so short, it's safe. I don't want my bosses to be like, 'Hey, your script is due and we saw you wrote four blog pages.' "
Mindy Kaling
Safe
Want
Short
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" There's the psychotic ambitious side of myself that wants a fashion line and my own network and be like a combination of Oprah and Gwen Stefani. And have a perfume. Definitely a perfume. "
Mindy Kaling
Perfume
Myself
Own
" I'm someone who loves romance. I always have loved it. Most people who grew up as nerds, as I was, surprisingly, have loved romance. "
Mindy Kaling
Romance
People
Loved
" If I could make a device where people could just intuit everything you are thinking - a little cable you plug into, like, a USB port, I would make a billion dollars. "
Mindy Kaling
Everything
Like
You
" When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them, 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny. "
Mindy Kaling
Remember
Play
Funny
" As a kid it's adorable to have a gap in your teeth. But then, because of the shifting in my mouth, I started whistling through it, and as a 32-year-old woman, whistling while you speak in sort of annoying. "
Mindy Kaling
Speak
You
Woman
" It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different. "
Mindy Kaling
Perfect
You
Women
" I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world. "
Mindy Kaling
Different
Rules
World
" People take things at face value on social media. Earnestness is the assumption. "
Mindy Kaling
Face
Media
Value
" I always knew I wanted kids, but when my mom passed away I was like, 'I want a bunch of kids. I want three kids or four kids, and I want to have that relationship again.' I can't bring my mom back, but I can have children. "
Mindy Kaling
Children
Three
Relationship
" You should never have to say hello or goodbye. Even at work sometimes, and I know this is very unpopular, is that if I'm going to work every single day, I don't think you should have to hug people hello every single day when you come to work. I saw you Monday! "
Mindy Kaling
Day
Think
People
" When men hear women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that's not it. It's a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome. "
Mindy Kaling
Life
Women
Relationship
" Right now, I'm hankering for new adventures... Ninety percent of the time I'm having romantic-comedy fantasies in which I'm wearing little pencil skirts and hurrying down to the subway. "
Mindy Kaling
Right
New
Time
" I'm not good at anything except writing jokes. I wasn't good at sports, I wasn't good at anything artsy, ever. I think there was a real worry for a while about what I would be good at. I was just this chubby little Indian kid who looked like a nerd. "
Mindy Kaling
Good
Writing
Think
" I used to forget that I was an Indian woman. I would even forget that I was a woman. I don't think of myself as bringing to the table a lot of 'women's issues.' I don't feel the need to write about maternity. I grew up thinking that the talented people in comedy were hard-joke writers. "
Mindy Kaling
Think
Women
People
" If you've seen a photo of me from when I was a kid, I don't think anyone would have expected that going in front of the camera was something that I was going to do. I can't believe how little effort my parents put into making me seem like an appealing little girl. "
Mindy Kaling
Girl
Effort
Believe
" I have an underdog spirit in me, and now it feels weird to kind of get my own way more often than not. "
Mindy Kaling
Underdog
Weird
Spirit
" I think a lot of writers, male and female, write as if their parents were killed in a car accident when they were 2, and they have no one to hold accountable. And unfortunately, I don't have that. I have parents who I care about what they think. "
Mindy Kaling
Think
Car
Care
" I think as humans, no one remembers their successes, everyone just remembers their failures. "
Mindy Kaling
Failures
Think
Just
" Anyone who's lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change - as anyone would change. "
Mindy Kaling
Lost
Change
Remember
" I feel like if I had my personality but was an OB/GYN, you would be psyched. You'd be like, 'My chatty, pop-culture-interested but plainspoken, wants-to-talk-about-clothes but serious-minded doctor.' I feel like I would clean up with patients. That's kind of a cocky thing to say. "
Mindy Kaling
Say
You
Personality
" I went to Dartmouth College so simply by being an Indian-American woman, I was already so statistically interesting. And then the fact that I didn't want to do anything science-related, and I wanted to write comedy plays and act little bit - I mean, I became deeply interesting in college because of how rare that was. "
Mindy Kaling
College
Comedy
Woman
" I fall into that nebulous, quote-unquote, normal American woman size that legions of fashion stylists detest. For the record, I'm a size 8 - this week, anyway. Many stylists hate that size because I think to them, it shows that I lack the discipline to be an ascetic; or the confident, sassy abandon to be a total fatty hedonist. "
Mindy Kaling
Think
Discipline
Woman
" I love talking about clothes with women; it's like a code because women dress for women. "
Mindy Kaling
Clothes
Dress
Love
" I try not to put anything political on the forefront of what I'm trying to do creatively. At the same time, I do think it's wonderful when I hear people say that it's inspirational that I'm an Indian woman on camera. My life is very diverse, and my friends are a diverse group of people. "
Mindy Kaling
People
Woman
Time
" I never want to be called the funniest Indian female comedian that exists. I feel like I can go head-to-head with the best white, male comedy writers that are out there. Why would I want to self-categorize myself into a smaller group than I'm able to compete in? "
Mindy Kaling
Comedy
Best
White
" I was always a silent comedy nerd. I would stay up late and sneak downstairs to watch 'Saturday Night Live' and 'Kids in the Hall,' and things like that. Very early on, my parents realized that I was not going to be an engineer or a doctor. I just don't have those inclinations, at all. "
Mindy Kaling
Night
Saturday
Doctor
" I would love to be married. But it's not a necessity like the way that I feel I need and want to have children. It would be wonderful to have a husband, and I would feel blessed to do it. But I would feel sad for the rest of my life if I had no kids. "
Mindy Kaling
Sad
Rest
Love
" I have a thick skin, which comes from being a not-really-skinny, dark-skinned Indian woman. I haven't fit in every place, and so I'm kind of used to resistance. "
Mindy Kaling
Kind
Skin
Woman
" I have such a rich fantasy life, I can't help it. I do make up a lot of romantic stories in my head. "
Mindy Kaling
Help
Up
Romantic
" Almost every college playwright or sketch or improv comedian was sort of aware of Christopher Durang - even kids in high school. His short plays were so accessible to younger people and I think that was inspirational to me. "
Mindy Kaling
College
Inspirational
People