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" Very often, when you get into a conversation that's more of a debate, you'll pick up that the other person is venting at you. And when someone vents at you, it triggers a reaction. You get defensive and vent back. "

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" The crux is this: you can't be sincerely empathic towards and angry at someone at the same moment. In other words, you can't walk in someone else's shoes and step on their toes at the same time. "

Mark Goulston

Words

Shoes

Step

" There will always be people who think that money and benefits and even just having a job should be thanks enough. There are also those that think they do a great job without anyone having to thank them. But study after study has shown that no one is immune from the motivating effects of acknowledgement and thanks. "

" When as smart as you think you are is as wrong as you turn out to be, your life can fall out from under you. "

" In my line of work, I frequently communicate with CEOs and their executive assistants, and nowhere is the need for gratitude more clear. "

Mark Goulston

Work

Need

" Just like the athlete who has mapped out a plan to become one of the best athletes in the world by putting together a training program and executing it, he too should map out a financial plan from the beginning of his athletic career throughout every stage of his career. "

" Show people a positive path that enables them to make progress on their own terms. Give them options and alternatives that empower them. "

" Yes, CEOs are under pressure from all sides, and executives have all sorts of people pushing and pulling at them. But too often, they begin to view and treat their teams, and especially their assistants, as appliances. And a good assistant knows that the last thing their boss wants to hear from them is a personal complaint about anything. "

" When you listen with memory, you have an old agenda, and when you listen with desire, you have a new one. You can't listen to the other person if your agenda is overtaking you. "

" Do not go out first thing after signing a contract and buy assets that are huge compared to the contract signed. Just because you have money for the first time doesn't mean you have to spend it before you know all the ramifications of buying the assets. "

Mark Goulston

Money

Just Because

" I am blessed to count among my friends and colleagues people who are very thoughtful and who deeply care about our country. "

" Sadly, most labor attorneys will advise you not to say you're wrong to anyone, because that might lead them to have something they can use to sue you. "

" Men such as President Bill Clinton don't have trouble showing a warmth which works for him, but women in power seem hesitant to use their feminine charm in a man's world out of concern for appearing lightweight, manipulative, or needing to use it to make up for something that is lacking. "

" One of the most important aspects of an athlete's financial life is that he needs to be personally responsible for his own finances. "

" I can still remember my first experience of standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon and looking into it. It was so awesome, it took a fair amount of restraint to prevent me from jumping into it, because I was certain I could fly. "

Mark Goulston

Remember

Experience

" The most influential people strive for genuine buy-in and commitment - they don't rely on compliance techniques that only secure short-term persuasion. "

" Why do people who consider themselves good communicators often fail to actually hear each other? Often it's due to a mismatch of styles: To someone who prefers to vent, someone who prefers to explain seems patronizing; explainers experience venters as volatile. "

" A leader who is confused or confusing causes too much anxiety, and a leader who is too controlling is revealing more insecurity and a lack of leadership. "

" Leadership is more about clarity than it is about control. "

" Self-esteem is crucial to how much or how little contentment you feel at the end of your life. "

" I know CEOs, and they get sick when they have to lay people off, especially around Christmas. "

" Forget the empty platitudes; your star employee is not a 'godsend.' They are a person deserving of your not infrequent acknowledgment and worthy of appreciation and respect. "

" Braggarts are insecure and need attention, and bragging often has the opposite effect on most people when you're trying to gain their respect and increase your influence. "

" Women work and feel like they have to take care of so many details. Sometimes they don't get much help from their husbands. "

" Being alone with fear can rapidly turn into panic. Being alone with frustration can rapidly turn into anger. Being alone with disappointment can rapid turn into discouragement and, even worse, despair. "