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" A lot of stuff I do out of pure obsessiveness. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Stuff
Lot
Out
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" Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. "
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" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "
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" The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. "
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" When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. "
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" Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "
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" Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there. "
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" The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. "
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Thought
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" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "
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Level
Keep
" Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Color
God
Lipstick
" I love being a dad. I just love it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Love
Just
I Love
" A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Me
Joke
Play
" You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Know
Essence
" I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them. "
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Know
Love
People
" Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Want
Decision
Back
" I like definitive things. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Things
Definitive
Like
" Stand-up is hard. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Hard
Stand-Up
" I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
People
Tell
Ridiculous
" Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Treat
Taking
Game
" If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Bad
Go
Hours
" Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Mistake
Here
Why
" Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Good
Yourself
You
" I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing that they did, I'm completely confused. I'm like, 'Didn't you make that movie already?' I've been very fortunate, and I'm well taken care of, so the least I can do is try to go forward. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Care
Confused
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
You
Having
" I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Audience
Because
Old
" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Good
Fun
" You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Yourself
Alive
Challenges
" The Internet offers opportunities that are more unique than ever before. With TV, I know I'm making 22 minutes; I know there's a commercial in the middle. With the Internet, no one knows anything. No rules. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Unique
Know
Opportunities
" A lot of advertising has gotten worse. I think it's kind of lost its nerve, to be honest with you. I feel like the advertising of the '60s, they were nervier. You know why? Because there was less at stake. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Advertising
Know
" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "
Jerry Seinfeld
World
Not Interested
Live
" It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. "
Jerry Seinfeld
World
Amazing
Every Day