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" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

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" A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. "

" The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. "

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" The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. "

" To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess. "

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" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

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" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

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" Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. "

" Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. "