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" Because nobody goes through life without a scar. "
Carol Burnett
Life
Because
Without
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" I have a great memory. "
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" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "
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" I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time. "
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" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "
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" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "
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" As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing. "
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" If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. "
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" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "
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" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "
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Reason
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" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "
Carol Burnett
Losing
Lawyers
Legal
" When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go. "
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" My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. "
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Week
Grandmother
Movies
" You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn. "
Carol Burnett
Turn
Sometimes
Want
" I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that. "
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Long
Watch
Want
" I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. "
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Stars
Time
Today
" Comedy is tragedy - plus time. "
Carol Burnett
Comedy
Tragedy
Plus
" I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice. "
Carol Burnett
Who
Always
Doing
" My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. "
Carol Burnett
Diet
Eat
I Can
" Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. "
Carol Burnett
You
Welfare
Texas
" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "
Carol Burnett
False
Like
You
" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "
Carol Burnett
Laugh
Thought
College
" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "
Carol Burnett
Scream
Good
Body
" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "
Carol Burnett
Listen
Jokes
Tell
" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "
Carol Burnett
New York
Remember
Me
" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "
Carol Burnett
Puzzle
Morning
Matter
" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "
Carol Burnett
Take
Pictures
Phone
" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "
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She
Very
Herself
" It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. "
Carol Burnett
Kindness
Selfish
Help Others
" I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts. "
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Arts
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Got
" I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. "
Carol Burnett
Never
Wanted
Cynical