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" I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at. "
Wilson Mizner
Judge
He
Laughs
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" If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research. "
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" Art is science made clear. "
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" The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. "
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" A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant. "
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" I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile. "
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" I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it. "
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" I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience. "
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Hollywood
Think
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" Failure has gone to his head. "
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" Most hard-boiled people are half-baked. "
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" The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock. "
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Who
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" The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears. "
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Water
Most
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" Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton. "
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Sewer
Service
Hollywood
" To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. "
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Born
Embarrassment
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" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "
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Talk
Done
Yourself
" To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. "
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More
Good Advice
Advice
" You sparkle with larceny. "
Wilson Mizner
Larceny
You
Sparkle
" The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in. "
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Bar
Wisdom
You
" The first hundred years are the hardest. "
Wilson Mizner
Years
Hundred
Hardest
" I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own. "
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Lawyers
Ever
Fortune
" A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something. "
Wilson Mizner
Good
Something
Only
" In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork. "
Wilson Mizner
Existence
Clever
Battle
" Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down. "
Wilson Mizner
Down
Nice
Brainy
" Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. "
Wilson Mizner
Years
First
Hardest
" Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished. "
Wilson Mizner
Desire
Small
Looking
" All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long. "
Wilson Mizner
Because
Inevitable
Degree
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
Wilson Mizner
Gambling
Way
Something
" I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .' "
Wilson Mizner
Read
Begins
Lying
" I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education. "
Wilson Mizner
You
Respect
Education
" If you count all your assets you always show a profit. "
Wilson Mizner
Show
Profit
Your
" It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found. "
Wilson Mizner
Art
Found
Life