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" I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas. "
Carol Burnett
Texas
Grandmother
Born
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" When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged. "
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Disappointment
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Things
" I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. "
Carol Burnett
Love
Writing
Loved
" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "
Carol Burnett
Think
Write
Up
" I loved doing 'The Family' with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy. "
Carol Burnett
Doing
Family
Loved
" Because nobody goes through life without a scar. "
Carol Burnett
Life
Because
Without
" I liked myself better when I wasn't me. "
Carol Burnett
Liked
Myself
Me
" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "
Carol Burnett
Know
You
Think
" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "
Carol Burnett
Happy
Law
Fun
" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "
Carol Burnett
Adolescence
Big
Just
" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "
Carol Burnett
Know
Newspaper
Experience
" I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. "
Carol Burnett
Now
Guard
Circumstances
" I love audiences. "
Carol Burnett
Audiences
I Love
Love
" If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. "
Carol Burnett
Room
Funniest
Go
" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "
Carol Burnett
Scream
Good
Body
" I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "
Carol Burnett
I Am
Best
Laugh
" You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn. "
Carol Burnett
Turn
Sometimes
Want
" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "
Carol Burnett
Listen
Jokes
Tell
" I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. "
Carol Burnett
Stars
Time
Today
" I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy. "
Carol Burnett
Think
Write
Comedy
" Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. "
Carol Burnett
Famous
Celebrity
Long
" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "
Carol Burnett
She
Very
Herself
" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "
Carol Burnett
Pilates
Well
Very
" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "
Carol Burnett
Contract
CBS
Left
" I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry. "
Carol Burnett
Sit
Smile
Wave
" My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story. "
Carol Burnett
Story
Comedy
Sketch
" It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. "
Carol Burnett
Washington
Almost
Impossible
" My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. "
Carol Burnett
Week
Grandmother
Movies
" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "
Carol Burnett
He
Brilliant
Body
" I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me. "
Carol Burnett
Singing
Family
Love
" I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows. "
Carol Burnett
Variety
Weird
Show