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All Quotes by author - Frank Carson

" America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million. "

" Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? "

" I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. "

" I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance. "

" It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me. "

" Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish. "

" My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people. "

" My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.' "

" People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous. "

" So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'. "

" The thirties were troublesome in Belfast, and then of course there was no work for people, and it was terribly religiously divided. "

" What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. "

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