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" Alarm bells ring when a politician stands haughty upon his honour. "
Howard Jacobson
Ring
Bells
Alarm
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" One of my agents once said I was one of the most dangerous men in London, and I was so excited by that. For a few days, I walked around Soho snarling. "
Howard Jacobson
London
Men
Dangerous
" The novels I planned to write were never going to be funny books about Jews. They were going to be country house books. Only later on could I write what I knew I was best at writing about. "
Howard Jacobson
Writing
Country
Best
" Shakespeare's always been sitting on my back, since I began reading. And, certainly, as a writer, he's who I hear all the time. And he's almost indistinguishable now from the English language. I have no sense of what Shakespeare is like. I have no sense of the personality that is Shakespeare. I think, alone among writers, I don't know who he is. "
Howard Jacobson
Reading
Alone
Personality
" You are changed by the people you are closest to, and this has allowed me to forgive myself for the person I once was. "
Howard Jacobson
Forgive
You
Myself
" No good writer ever merely cheered us up. But there's an unblinking stare into the darkness of things we have to go elsewhere to find. Jane Austen was made of strong stuff. She was too satiric for D. H. Lawrence's taste and too unforgiving for Kingsley Amis's, but you would still not call her hellish. "
Howard Jacobson
Darkness
She
Good
" 'Family Guy'. It's not only the funniest programme on television, it's the most wonderfully, indecorously literate. "
Howard Jacobson
Only
Guy
Family
" It's always nice to be praised, and insofar as a prize is a form of praise, you're glad when you get it. "
Howard Jacobson
Prize
Always
You
" When I was teaching at Cambridge, I sold handbags on the market. "
Howard Jacobson
Teaching
Market
Cambridge
" Again and again, Primo Levi's work is described as indispensable, essential, necessary. None of those terms overstate the case, but they do prepare readers new to Levi for a forbiddingly educative experience, making him a writer unlike all others and the experience of reading him a chore. Which it isn't. "
Howard Jacobson
Reading
New
Experience
" The queue and the fan are, of course, closely related in that fans will queue any length of time in any weather to see, touch, watch, hear, read, wear, or simply enjoy proximity to the object of their devotion. "
Howard Jacobson
See
Enjoy
Time
" The environment in which I studied was so safe, I thought I would die from the boredom of it. "
Howard Jacobson
Boredom
Thought
Environment
" If it's bathos you want - and I suspect we are all bathos junkies in the end - nothing gives it to you quite like watching sport. Unless it's playing sport. "
Howard Jacobson
Nothing
End
You
" Once in a while, we need the hard Left to pipe up. "
Howard Jacobson
Up
Hard
Left
" Nothing is definite, nothing is finished, nothing is determined. "
Howard Jacobson
Determined
Nothing
Finished
" I normally take a long time finding titles. I finish the book and go into sweats for months afterwards trying to think of them. "
Howard Jacobson
Think
Time
Trying
" If we doubt the power of literature and art to civilise, how come no one has ever been mugged by a person carrying a well-thumbed copy of 'Middlemarch' in his back pocket? "
Howard Jacobson
Power
Literature
Doubt
" Where there are no spectators, there is no sponsorship. Where there is no sponsorship, there is no money. Where there is no money, there are no officials with fingers in the pot. The lesson to be learnt from this is simple. If we want honest sport, we have to stop watching it. "
Howard Jacobson
Simple
Lesson
Money
" The presence of a Jew in any movement no more guarantees it to be innocent of antisemitism than guilty. And that applies to anti-Zionism, too. Anti-Zionist Jews exist, but that tells one nothing about anti-Zionism. "
Howard Jacobson
Nothing
Innocent
Jew
" In anticipation of a meal - supposing we are with the ideal companion at the best table in the perfect restaurant - we might indeed postpone sadness. And maybe even halfway through, we will remain in tolerably high spirits, with dessert still to come. But as we near the end of eating, we begin to feel anticipatory twinges of anticlimax. "
Howard Jacobson
Perfect
Restaurant
End
" We shouldn't be too hard on vanity. It can be a mark of respect for the world. "
Howard Jacobson
World
Vanity
Too
" Things go bad after a divorce and often stay that way. It is rare for the parties to return placidly to a time before they met. A bitterness lingers on. Those who call this our Independence Day, fantasising of returning to a never-never time before they married, when they were free, easy, single, and master of their fate, are delusional. "
Howard Jacobson
Time
Fate
Day
" I've always liked older women. One sad thing about being my age is that there are no older women. I used to amuse my mother's friends even at five or six with witty turns of phrase. Somehow, I just knew how to be funny. "
Howard Jacobson
Sad
Women
Mother
" I should have conceived the idea for 'The Mighty Walzer' earlier. A boy who dreamed of winning fame, fortune, and the adoration of beautiful women as a table-tennis player - shame on me for taking so long to see the mock-heroic possibilities in that. "
Howard Jacobson
Winning
Women
Beautiful
" You fall in love differently when you are young and far from home in a seductive place. You fall in love with the very air you breathe, and the vivid colours and the unbearably sweet sensation of distance and unaccustomedness. "
Howard Jacobson
Place
Home
You
" Economics is not a science; it is a quasi-religion: part superstition, part mystique, part sentimentality. Bankers dream like other men, the only difference being that when their dreams turn to nightmares, we all lose sleep. There can be no trusting the muttering of any prelate when it comes to money. "
Howard Jacobson
Men
Sleep
Science
" The obligation to remember is inscribed on every Holocaust memorial, but even the words 'Never Forget' become irksome eventually. "
Howard Jacobson
Never Forget
Forget
Remember
" People keep saying you can't satirize Trump because he's beyond satire, but it's not difficult to just let him out and let him walk upon the stage and say his own words. "
Howard Jacobson
Saying
Walk
People
" Do you want to be strangely various, or do you want to be purely yourself? Either way, revere no one. "
Howard Jacobson
Yourself
You
Way
" One of the great things about us Jews is that we tell the best jokes. Part of the reason is we tell jokes against ourselves - before anyone else gets to do it. "
Howard Jacobson
Great Things
Jokes
Great
" The death of an Italian tailor might not be calamitous in Catania or Cagliari, but the loss to Soho is immeasurable. We don't have Italian tailors we can spare here. "
Howard Jacobson
Here
Might
Spare