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" America can enjoy a vital, fully functioning government, with all the benefits provided by Texas, while reducing Texas at the same time. "
" I was friends with Russians who said I should see Russia. I went there in '93 and it was so exciting, and I went to Siberia and had a great time. "
" I am an author, and like many in my profession, I am also a traveling salesman, going all over in an attempt to persuade people to spend twenty-five dollars on a hardcover book by me. "
" I think Indians dress better than anyone, but I don't want to imitate more than a detail or two; I prefer my clothes humdrum and inconspicuous, and a cowboy hat just doesn't work for me. "
" Human connection is the way things work. It's like a patronage system. You know somebody, and he knows somebody, and he knows somebody, and he knows the district governor, and it's okay. "
" Russian humor is to adapt or make some sense or nonsense out of the insanity of their lives. "
" I don't want to collect Indian art, though pots and beadwork and blankets made by Indians remain the most beautiful art objects in the American West, in my opinion. "
" Once, America's size in the imagination was limitless. After Europeans settled and changed it, working from the coasts inland, its size in the imagination shrank. "
" Writing humor for me is more like a watchful-ness. You have to watch. When you say something funny, or someone else does, it's more like you wait for the piece. "
" There's an idea of the Plains as the middle of nowhere, something to be contemptuous of. But it's really a heroic place. "
" I think what is important for things to be funny is if you the listener, or the reader, get a chance to supply the humor of it yourself. "
" On two or three book tours, I have visited bookstores in the Mall of America and signed copies of my books and introduced myself to store employees who I hope will sell them. "
" I'm one of those people who happen to like trees. I don't know why - I just do. As a kid, I loved to climb them. The distant, upper branches, especially, were celestial and alluring. "
" Despite the obvious benefits, many Americans do not like Texas. Some even say they despise Texas, and make no secret of their feelings. "
" Everything in Russia is made of cement - phone booths, fence posts and light bulbs. "
" When the days start to get shorter, I want to be in some nice brick building on the East Coast with the lights glowing in the windows. When the daylight starts changing, I want to be out West. "
" Russia has always had a global history. Global history is a bummer. You suffer invasions of all different kinds. And Russia was not defended against them. "
" People in Russia adapt to misery by a deep, deep humor. "
" I don't have a disregard for my reader in humor pieces. "
" To me, a bag in a tree is like a flag of chaos, and when I remove it, I'm capturing the flag of the other side. In the end, it doesn't matter how ironic or serious or even effective on a larger scale bag snagging may be. "
" I'd read books in Russian, and they would take me forever. I wanted to write a book that would last and would not be superficial. Siberian-travel writing is its own genre. "
" A book tour is not a good opportunity to let your mind wander. You have to pay attention, remember salespeople's and interviewers' names, succinctly summarize your book in a 'selling' way, and so on. "
" I believe that when Crazy Horse was killed, something more than a man's life was snuffed out. "
" I suppose anybody just losing it and sputtering curses is pretty funny. But I think it would be more of a challenge, much more of a challenge, to make a cursing dad funny. "
" America to me is so varied and exciting. I always feel nostalgia for the place I'm not in, and then I get there and find myself in a traffic jam going into the Lincoln Tunnel, and I think, 'God, why was I romanticizing this part of the country?' I think it has to do with the romantic, unrealistic temperament. "
" Russians don't complain, usually. "
" When I go to Indian reservations in the West, and especially to the Pine Ridge Reservation, I sometimes feel unsure where to put my foot when I open the car door. The very ground is different from where I usually stand. There are fewer curbs, fewer sidewalks, and almost no street signs, mailboxes, or leashed dogs. "
" You can find dozens of books about people taking the Trans-Siberian Railroad. I knew I had to do something different to cross Siberia. To drive and to talk with people along the way, that was how I wrote my book 'Great Plains'. I drove and camped in Siberia, but did not have a real program. "
" Leading economists have shown that by shrinking Texas, we can actually create more income for Texas in the long run. "
" Words are charms. It's like a song you didn't even know you knew. "
" I would hate to see the idea of freedom disappear, and I wonder if maybe it will. "