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" Anything nice that's said about me is diametrically opposed to who I am. "

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" I don't think my kids have to worry too much about me embarrassing them because that's not how I would want to grow up, with wacky dad showing up at school and performing for everyone. "

" People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it. "

" I'm not good with pickup lines or flirting. I don't have that kind of self-confidence or natural charisma. "

Self-Confidence

" Divorce is fairly common these days, and I think many times people disregard the emotional impact that divorce has on a couple and a family, because it happens so frequently. "

" Whenever I hear someone describe something as a 'kids movie' or a 'family movie,' it immediately has a negative connotation in my mind because I think, 'Well, as an adult, I wouldn't go see it by myself, because it's purely for children and it holds nothing for me and it's simplistic and it's kind of easy.' "

" I had a friend who, after 25 years of marriage, found himself trying to date again, and it was completely different. Everything had changed, and he had to reacquaint himself. It was funny even talking to him about it. For someone who has been out of the loop, it's a different world. "

" I think anyone loves to play a character that is either evil to a certain extent or has a real definable character flaw. Those are always really fun, and, I think, funny. "

" Everyone is flawed and everyone makes mistakes and is culpable. "

" You project a version of yourself to the public to protect and insulate yourself a little bit. Actors come up with a version of themselves in order to protect the real person. "

" I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her. "

" The best food is in Chicago. There are great restaurants everywhere, from fancy places to burger joints. "

" When I first started looking at Twitter, I followed people like Steve Martin, who will just write the funniest non sequiturs now and then, which I thought was really fun. That's kind of the road I've taken. Every now and then, something comes into your mind and you put it out there. It's very innocuous. I think it's kind of fun. "

" They love 3-D. It's fun to watch a movie in 3-D with your children or with a group of children because you see the kids in front of you from time to time reaching up. You see little hands reaching up to grab things that they think are right there. I think it's remarkable and it does obviously, literally, add another dimension to the movie. "

" You know what Disneyland is known for? The Big Turkey Leg. People walk around with enormous deep-fried turkey legs. Like little kids, three-year-old kids eating these five-pound turkey legs. "

" Even the most self-confident people, at one point of their lives, felt like outsiders or felt like they weren't being heard or seen or witnessed in some way. "

" Everybody should be normal. Everybody should be nice. I think they go hand in hand, and that to me is the default setting. "

" I know I'm not a woman's fantasy man; I don't have to uphold this image of male beauty, so that's kind of a relief in a way. "

" I was a bad dater, and up until 8th grade I went to an all boy's school. So, by the time I hit high school I was a bit freaked out by women in general. "

" Whenever I'm offered something, I always read the script and meet the director. I still appreciate just being considered. "

" It's not a master plan to do every remake and every recreation of icons. It's just what I've been hired to do. "

" People say, 'What's the secret to a marriage?' There's no secret - I think you get lucky. "

" How did I end up in films with people like Keira Knightley... all these beautiful leading ladies and me - it's kind of shocking. "

" I was sort of traumatized by girls in the third grade. Because there was a girl in my third grade class I had a crush on. I bought her a box of Valentine's Day chocolate. And I put it in her cubby with a note that said something like, 'I am deeply in love with you, Your Secret Admirer.' And I didn't sign my name. "

" There's very little you could do to prepare to be a correspondent on 'The Daily Show,' because it's not being a journalist, it's not being an actor. It involves elements of both of those things, but they're not required necessarily as job experience. It's helpful if you know how to improvise, but again, not a requirement. "

" I've thought a lot about success, because it's very strange to me that I've been successful. "

" I would like for my kids to at least have some familiarity with who I am: 'It's the man from TV!' "

" I don't like to get angry. It doesn't make me feel good. It is very human, but it's also a loss of control, and I like to have that kind of control. "

" My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with my family, I definitely share one with her - we find the same things funny. "

" I've waited my entire life to be busy. Whenever I hear actors complain about being busy, I think, 'shut up.' Because you do, you wait to be successful or to be able to work. "

" Actors and magicians are both performers, and they represent things that are not necessarily who they are. "