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" Babe and I are both great television fans, and we've been planning to do something on TV. But we certainly never intended to start out on an unrehearsed network show! "

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" We had friendly and pleasant relationships with all that worked in our films - many happy memories. "

" If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again! "

" A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anybody? Can you define it? All I know is that I learned how to get laughs, and that's all I know about it. You have to learn what people will laugh at, then proceed accordingly. "

" My only opinion on the L&H 'home movie' situation - I regret we have no financial interest in them. "

" Another fine mess you've gotten me into. "

" I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with Charles Chaplin. "

" It's the one with that panel of ultra-chichi folks. The one called 'What's My Line?' It sends me straight up the wall. I call it 'The Snob Family.' "

" Sight gags had to be planned; they required timing and mechanics. Occasionally, spontaneity would arise in the shooting of the scenes. "

" What business do we have telling people who to vote for? They probably know more about it than we do. "

" If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it. "

" Anyone who thinks 'Modern Times' has got a big message is just putting it there himself. Charlie knew that the pressures of modern life and factory life would be good for a lot of laughs, and that's why he did the film - not because he wanted to diagnose the industrial revolution. "

" We did have a script, but it didn't consist of the routines and gags. It outlined the basic story idea and just a plan for us to follow. But when it came to each scene, we and the gagmen would work out ideas. "

" You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led. "

" Personally, I think the silent films were more effective for L&H, but the sound was of great value in enhancing the effects - dialog eliminated a lot of action & sight gags - I always feel that 'action' speaks louder than words. "

" Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth. "

" All I know is just how to make people laugh. "

" I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep. "