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" For years, I was compared to Wookiees, especially after I did the 'Star Wars Holiday Special.' I have some photos of me with a few of the Wookiees on the set, and it's hard to tell us apart. "
Bruce Vilanch
Star
Me
Tell
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" It's the biggest party in the world, and you have to keep the whole thing percolating, which is difficult because a lot of awards most people don't care about. "
Bruce Vilanch
Care
People
World
" I mean, when I started out I was billing per hour, like a shrink because you would sit with somebody and work. But most of it, if it's for a live show it's usually a buy-out. A flat fee. "
Bruce Vilanch
Live
Show
Sit
" Every single line on the Oscar show is negotiated. Unless you've been there, you have no idea how it is put together. It's like nothing else on earth. I'm writing a book about it, but I have to throw in my sexual escapades to make sure it sells. "
Bruce Vilanch
You
Book
Together
" I write screenplays that don't get made and pilots that don't get picked up, and I re-write other people's movies, and those are all different kinds of fees. "
Bruce Vilanch
Up
Different
People
" I've got more chins than a San Francisco phonebook. "
Bruce Vilanch
San Francisco
More
Than
" I think I intimidate hecklers because I weigh more than most of them. "
Bruce Vilanch
More
Think
Most
" Eddie Izzard is absolutely brilliant. I would love to write something for him. "
Bruce Vilanch
Write
Something
Love
" I have one rave 'New York Times' review framed next to a flop 'Los Angeles Times' review. And it's for the same show. These people watched the same show. That's what happens. They love it, they hate it. "
Bruce Vilanch
Love
Show
People
" As I'm always fond of telling hosts at the Oscars who are doing it for their first time, for everybody who wins, there are four people who don't. As the evening wears on, the room fills up with losers, and then they are bitter. "
Bruce Vilanch
Time
People
Up
" I've written about 15 screenplays and they all sold - they were all sold on pitches. "
Bruce Vilanch
Written
About
Pitches
" When AIDS hit, lots of people banded together to take care of each other and do what the government wasn't doing. When you grow up Jewish, as I have, you learn that everybody hates you, no one's going to help you, and you have to take care of yourself. That's a great maxim to the gay community, and we took it to heart; we took care of our own. "
Bruce Vilanch
Heart
Yourself
Great
" The Oscars are about the dynamics of that moment, of that season. It reflects what's been going on in the world every year through the movies. And a lot of times, what's popular at the movies is popular because of what's going on in the world at that moment. "
Bruce Vilanch
World
Year
Moment
" My assistant says I'm an eBay auction waiting to happen. I have a very large collection of T-shirts... about 4,000 now. Maybe I'll pillage it someday. I have resisted the offers to do a line of T-shirts. "
Bruce Vilanch
Now
Waiting
Auction
" I mean, I've sold all these scripts and nothing's been made. Studios have closed, stars have died. I had a director find Jesus. And the pictures just don't get made. "
Bruce Vilanch
Nothing
Director
Stars
" I've learned that most of gay America is coupled up, or looking to be. No wonder gay marriage has such traction. So many of us are already in it, so of course we want the legal benefits. "
Bruce Vilanch
Legal
Gay
America
" Who knew we had all this O.C.D. in the world? Well actually, I suppose it's pretty obvious. It explains Sudoku, doesn't it? "
Bruce Vilanch
Knew
Pretty
Obvious
" They make a humongous profit, but the people that work on the shows don't get paid a lot because they're working on the Oscars show. It's the biggest show in the world. "
Bruce Vilanch
Profit
People
Work
" Of course I adored and wanted to be Catwoman. That goes without saying. "
Bruce Vilanch
Wanted
Without
Saying
" I do a lot of screen re-writing. "
Bruce Vilanch
Screen
Lot
" My skirt fell off on stage during a performance of Hairspray on Broadway, revealing my fat suit over my own natural fat suit. I turned to the audience and said, 'Now you know why I spent six years in a square.' "
Bruce Vilanch
You
Performance
Own
" It's really live television, the way God meant it to be. "
Bruce Vilanch
Live
Way
God
" What makes me laugh? Richard Nixon always made me laugh. "
Bruce Vilanch
Laugh
Richard Nixon
Me
" Musicals have clearly gotten more physical. You never saw Ethel Merman doing step aerobics. "
Bruce Vilanch
Step
More
Doing